


Be Mine and Mine

by justanother30



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anti-Religious Sentiment, Beka and Yuri are the most understanding boyfriends ever, Beka is the strong silent one, Blow Jobs, Boyfriends, Catholic Guilt, Coming Out, Cuddling & Snuggling, Daisy Chaining, Dating privately while friends publicly, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, First Time Bottoming, First Time Topping, Fluff and Angst, Gay Panic, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, JJ is a cinnamon roll, JJ just needs love, Jjbek, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Making Out, Otapliroy, Pliroy, Polyamory, Religious Conflict, Threesome - M/M/M, Yuri completely babies him, otayuri - Freeform, publicly coming out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:21:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 22,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23709082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justanother30/pseuds/justanother30
Summary: Now that JJ has finally broken up with Isabella, Yuri hopes that opens the door for a possible relationship with Beka and him. Beka isn't so sure. He's tried before with JJ and it didn't go so well. But with JJ so miserable he's at least open to the possibility for friendship. It's not much, but to Yuri at least it's a start.
Relationships: Jean-Jacques Leroy/Yuri Plisetsky, Otabek Altin/Jean-Jacques Leroy, Otabek Altin/Jean-Jacques Leroy/Yuri Plisetsky, Otabek Altin/Yuri Plisetsky
Comments: 50
Kudos: 84





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Although I'm still working on LOVESICK, I've been struggling to keep that story moving forward. In the meantime, although it's not Valentine's Day, I felt we all needed a little extra love in our lives right now. Plus, there's definitely not enough #Otapliroy around. Hope you enjoy! I've got most of it written and edited, so I will post 2X a week.

Why on earth did Four Continents have to fall over Valentine’s Day this year? JJ knows it’s just a cruel, cruel joke God seems to be playing on him. Maybe it’s punishment. That seems about right. After all, he has finally broken off his engagement with Isabella. No one — not his parents, not his priest — knows why. Isabella might suspect something but it’s hard to say. But JJ knows that God knows why. And so this is his punishment.

JJ looks around the room and sighs. The banquet has run most of its course. Sponsors have been met with and coaches are leaving their skaters to socialize with each other. Unlike years past however where this was the time when the party seemed to get revved up, skaters instead are pairing off to sit quietly at tables, having intimate conversations and sharing quiet laughter and kisses. 

“Jean-Jacques, go be with your friends,” his mom Nathalie gives his back a pat then a not-so-subtle push. “Go on now.”

Looking around the room again is disheartening. Sure, go be with his friends. Should he go to Chris and Phichit’s table, where they are already making out? Or Leo’s table where he is whispering in Guang-Hong’s ear? Or worse, Otabek’s table where Yuri is sitting in his lap and they seem to be throwing pitying looks his way. Yep, good old JJ, sitting alone with his parents. As if he didn’t feel pathetic enough.

“Everyone’s _occupied,_ Maman.”

“Oh, I’m sure Leo isn’t too busy to spend some time with you,” Nathalie also looks around the room and he follows her gaze, both of them catching Otabek’s eye. “Or Otabek. Oh look, here he comes!”

True to that, JJ sees that Otabek is coming over, Yuri now occupied with his phone while he drinks some champagne.

Reaching their table, Otabek extends his hand to JJ’s parents. “Alain, Nathalie, good to see you as always.” Then he puts a hand on JJ’s shoulder. “Jean, you should come and join Yura and me. We thought we’d go catch a late movie or something. Maybe grab a bite to eat.”

JJ glances back at Yuri, looking bored as ever at the table, typing into his phone. “Thanks Bek, but I don’t think Yuri would like a third wheel. Especially me.” It surprises JJ when Otabek lets out a small laugh, followed by a squeeze of his shoulder. “Well, it was Yura’s idea.”

Otabek looks at his friend, who is now speechless. He knows JJ’s had a rough go of it these past few months, but it was Yuri that surprised him with his concern. Now that JJ and Isabella are no longer together, JJ seems to work his way into their conversations several times a day.

“God! I’m so glad he broke up with her!” Yuri had exclaimed yet again as they met in the lobby at the beginning of the competition. “But look at him Beka. He doesn’t seem to realize he should be happy about it.”

It was true. As they watched JJ check in to the hotel with his parents, his shoulders carried a sad slump to them, the usual exuberance that his old training friend used to have barely there at all. 

“Do you know why they broke up?” Yuri continued.

Otabek only shook his head.

“Hmph. Well, I have a pretty good idea.”

“Yura, you don’t know if that’s the reason.”

“Oh, come on. What else could have made him break up with his _perfect_ fiancée a week before the wedding? Everyone knows they were ‘saving themselves’ for their wedding night,” Yuri said with an eye roll. “You know I’m not one to feel sorry for JJ, but how am I supposed to win against him if he’s too lonely and depressed to push it?”

JJ’s phone pings, bringing Otabek back to the present. JJ’s eyes widen in shock.

_> > Come on asshole. Ditch your parents and come hang out with us._

Otabek sees the text. “Told you.” 

JJ can’t really say no, so pushes his chair back.

Nathalie holds Otabek back for a moment, whispering, “Thank you Otabek. He really just needs some friends right now.”

Otabek smiles back. He also smiles to himself at the irony. JJ’s parents don’t have a clue as to what JJ needs. They never did. 

“Just be sure to meet us for midnight mass,” Alain says firmly as the two walk back to the table where Yuri waits. 

“Midnight mass, huh?” Yuri quirks a brow. Yuri knows all about having to do mass. What a load of crap. That probably has a lot to do with JJ’s problem. Here he is, twenty-three and finally free of that annoyingly sweet _girl,_ yet Yuri can tell JJ is still beholden to his parents and their antiquated church. This wasn’t going to be easy. 

Grabbing Otabek’s hand, Yuri keeps himself from grabbing JJ’s too. Not yet, he reminds himself. Otabek had warned him that JJ needed things slow. There was a lot going on underneath all his talk of “The King” and “JJ Style.” 

So the two of them had decided together that a movie was a good way to test the waters.

At the movie theater JJ and Yuri sit on either side of Otabek. However, JJ and Yuri both like popcorn and chatting it’s not fifteen minutes into the movie before Otabek gets fed up with them leaning over him to talk and switches seats with Yuri. JJ’s heart speeds up every time Yuri turns to whisper in his ear but he tries to play it cool. JJ even gets Yuri to laugh a couple of times which make JJ’s stomach do a couple of flips. 

“I knew deep down you were just as snarky as us,” Yuri elbows him.

“And I knew I’d finally win you over,” JJ teases back. 

Yuri flicks the side of JJ’s head. Then he sits back in the seat and shifts until one of his legs is touching JJ’s. JJ holds his breath.

JJ doesn’t know it but Yuri is holding his breath, too. He feels JJ stiffen and worries for a moment that perhaps Beka was right — that he’s pushing his luck. JJ doesn’t move away, though. He’s stiff as a board but he keeps the contact. 

Otabek drapes his hand over Yuri’s other leg and squeezes his thigh. Otabek’s not dumb. He knows exactly what Yuri is doing. Yuri looks over at Otabek who raises an eyebrow in warning. Yeah, yeah, Yuri knows exactly what that cocked brow means but it just feels so right having JJ on the other side of him. Yuri wants to lift up the armrest and rest his head on JJ’s shoulder but he feels Beka’s hand squeeze his thigh again in warning and resigns himself to simply chatting with JJ, reaching over to grab popcorn from the bucket between JJ’s legs. 

Once they finish the popcorn JJ leans over to Yuri, “Still hungry? I think we get a free refill.”

Yuri bats his lashes. “Get me more popcorn and I will love you forever.”

JJ knows Yuri is teasing but he can’t help the pang in his heart. What is he doing here, being a third wheel? 

“Will you two shut up? Just get your refill already,” Otabek mutters. But his lips quirk, hiding a small smile. 

Yuri squeezes JJ’s bicep, “Don’t worry, I’ll fill you in on anything you miss. Besides, it’s a slow part, I doubt you’ll miss much.”

Otabek grins at JJ, “You heard him, hurry up and get back.” 

Once he leaves, Otabek turns to Yuri with a stern look. “Slow it down, kitten.”

“I can’t help it,” Yuri pouts. 

“Trust me.”

“Fine,” Yuri sighs and snuggles into Beka’s arm.

It doesn’t take long for JJ to return, popcorn spilling over the top as he crawls back over grumbling people. Both Yuri and Otabek turn and smile at him as he sits back down in his seat and his heart does a funny little leap. They both look happy to have him here. True to his word, Yuri fills him in, along with giving JJ his take on how dumb things were getting. JJ chuckles and realizes he doesn’t feel like a third wheel at all.

After, they go to get burgers at a place called Beefies. It only has a small counter and five stools and they are the only ones there. Yuri sits in between Otabek and JJ again. His leg is back to being pressed against JJ’s. When JJ looks over, he sees Yuri’s other leg also pressed against Otabek’s, Otabek’s hand draped over it. He tells himself it’s just Yuri spreading, chiding himself for even considering that it might mean something more. Of course it doesn’t.

Both JJ and Otabek’s burgers are cooked rare and Yuri gags. “They barely killed the cow! There’s blood dripping all over your gloves Beka!”

“Yura, just eat your chili fries,” Otabek rolls his eyes, while JJ takes an extra big bite of his burger, humming with contentment just to gross Yuri out.

Then JJ reaches over to grab several of Yuri’s fries to shove in his mouth with the rest, to which Yuri shouts, “Hey! Get your own!” 

Eyes sparking with mischief, JJ grabs Yuri’s whole plate of fries and holds them away from Yuri’s flailing arms as he tries to get them back. Soon JJ has leapt up from his stool, Yuri chasing him until JJ’s backed against the far wall, holding the plate above his head laughing down at Yuri. But when Yuri steps up closer, JJ’s breath stops. 

Otabek just watches the two of them flirting and is secretly impressed with how much Yuri has gotten JJ out of his gloomy mood. Yuri smirks up at JJ, then placing a hand on JJ’s shoulder, pushes himself to jump up and grab the plate and shove the remaining fries that hadn’t fallen off in the scuffle in his mouth, grinning wickedly back at JJ. JJ laughs in a rush of breath and the two of them make it back to the counter to finish — JJ eating his burger while Yuri picks fries off his and Beka’s plates.

They drop JJ off at church but JJ’s good mood sticks with him throughout mass. His mother beams at his change and even his father seems satisfied. When it’s time for confession, JJ lists off a few minor infractions and is just about to leave when the Father asks, “Is that all Jean-Jacques? I’ve been quite concerned about you suddenly breaking off your engagement. You didn’t stray to another, did you?”

“No, of course not,” JJ huffs. He would never cheat. Never.

“I see. No impure thoughts, even?” the priest prods.

JJ sighs. He knows what the priest is after. But he’s way off. In fact, JJ would’ve given his right eye to have at least one impure thought about Isabella. That’s not why he broke off the engagement. It’s just that deep down he knew he couldn’t live a lie.

“No, Father. My thoughts have been with God and focused on my career.”

The priest is silent for a long moment. “I see. But seeing as your career puts you in close proximity with others that… indulge in incorrect relationships,” he clears his throat, “you have been able to avoid impure associations?”

JJ bristles. Does the Father know something? After all, JJ had gone out with Beka and Yuri tonight. He thought of Yuri whispering in his ear during the movie, of slapping Yuri’s arms away as they wrestled over the plate of fries. But then again, what had happened, really? Yuri is Beka’s boyfriend and Beka was the one who had his hand on Yuri’s knee at the theater. Beka was the one who rolled his eyes at the rough-housing he and Yuri had done at the diner. They had just hung out was all. It wasn’t a— no, they were just hanging out.

No, the Father doesn’t know anything. There’s nothing to know anyway. “The guys at the rink are just good friends.”

The Father merely hums before giving JJ a few Hail Mary’s and sending him on his way.

“How was tonight, dear?” his mother asks as they head back to the hotel. “Seems like you had a good time with your friends.”

He never would have considered them like that before tonight. But they made him feel good, even Yuri surprisingly. He thinks that the word fits well. His friends.

“Do you think you’ll see them some more?” she continues.

“Yeah,” JJ smiles to himself, actually looking forward to that prospect. “I hope so.”


	2. Chapter 2

Over the next few weeks JJ finds himself hanging out with Yuri and Otabek almost every day. The two of them live in Montreal now so they can date without worry, since there would be no way for them to be open with their relationship in Russia or Kazakstan. Montreal seems to be where many retired skating couples have converged for the same reason. 

Otabek retired a year ago, but still comes to all the competitions to be with Yuri. Although it shows how committed Otabek and Yuri are, it pains JJ to see it — because that’s what he wanted with Isabella. Though she was willing to travel with him to the ends of the Earth, JJ couldn’t do that to her. He's just going have to suck it up and get used to being alone.

However, JJ is finding he isn’t as lonely as he thought he would be the more he hangs out with Otabek and Yuri. It gets even better when Yuri makes a declaration one rare sunny late winter afternoon as they all take a walk together. 

“Enough of this ‘Yuri’ nonsense!” he exclaims. “Only losers who don’t know me well call me that. You need to call me _Yura._ ”

“So you’re saying I’m not a loser?” JJ waggles his eyes and jabs an elbow into Yuri’s… no _Yura’s_ side. Despite the teasing, something warms inside him, hearing that he’s considered a close friend. 

“Of course not! I may have beat you at 4Cs, but that’s just because—” Yura stops short and turns red.

JJ shrugs and finishes the thought. “Because I was distracted about breaking off my engagement.” 

Otabek and Yura both see JJ turning inward again, thinking about his breakup. Yura curses himself for bringing it up, but isn’t sure how to back out of it. 

Luckily they pass by a park with a basketball court and Otabek has a sudden inspiration. “Hey, Jean,” he says. “I think it’s time I beat you at a game of golf.”

“Golf?” Yura asks.

JJ laughs. “No, not golf. Basketball. It’s just the name of a game we started when we were training in Detroit. We just call it golf because. Well… I don’t remember anymore actually!”

Yura rolls his eyes at them. “Whatever, you dumb jocks. Go play your game. I need coffee. I’ll see you later.”

Otabek almost beats JJ at their game (which is really just their own take on HORSE) but JJ edges him out. He is such a shit about winning though, that they end up playing some one-on-one to see if Otabek can regain face. Otabek may be shorter than JJ but he’s much more deft and ends up getting several inside shots on JJ, leveling the score easily. 

Panting and sweaty, they pass a bottle of water back and forth. Otabek is hyper-aware of the indirect kiss but JJ doesn’t seem notice, so Otabek plays it off and starts reminiscing about their time training with Celestino and all the shenanigans they often got into after hours. Before either of them realize it they are suddenly talking about one time in particular that JJ had tried to bury away.

“Remember that night we snuck a bottle of tequila and drank almost the whole bottle between the two of us? I’m surprised we didn’t get alcohol poisoning!” JJ laughs, not thinking of the unsteady ground he is treading on.

“We sure threw up enough to make up for it. And then you got sick for a week with that nasty flu,” Otabek says, a hint of a smile at the memory.

“Yeah, but you stayed with me even though everyone was sure you’d get sick too,” JJ nudges Otabek's shoulder.

Otabek shrugs. He'd simply figured if he wasn’t sick already he probably wouldn’t get the bug. Plus JJ was so pathetically miserable, pale and covered in a sheen of sweat, yet shivering under a blanket with the chills that Otabek wouldn’t dream of leaving him alone. Otabek quietly nursed him that week, feeding him soup and giving him hot and cold compresses. When JJ slept, Otabek sat near watching, once even daring to reach out and stroke his damp hair away from his face. It was the last morning however, when JJ’s fever finally broke and he was finally looking better, that he did something that neither of them would forget. 

Otabek was once again wiping off JJ’s face when JJ grabbed his hand. Not just to pat it or give it a quick shake or anything like that. Instead, he covered it with his own and held it to his cheek. Otabek, wide-eyed, could feel his heart hammering in his ears. He didn’t think that JJ felt that way towards boys, with all the girl talk he did. When JJ looked up at him and squeezed his hand before turning his head into Otabek's palm — not necessarily kissing it, but letting Otabek's hand brush over his mouth before moving it away — Otabek did the only thing that seemed obvious. He bent down and kissed JJ. It was awkward, as it was Otabek's first kiss, but the sparks were instantaneous. JJ naturally adjusted the angle of his head until their lips locked into place and then took half a sigh. 

Otabek pressed his lips firmer against JJ’s, but no sooner had Otabek started to relax into the kiss than he was suddenly and harshly shoved away. JJ sat up then shot from the bed, running into the bathroom. Shower water started soon after. When JJ emerged he launched right back into talking about all the _JJ Girls_ that were always sending him sexy pictures and laughing about maybe dating the president of his fan club. Otabek said nothing. Nothing needed to be said. It was clear as day.

Now, Otabek and JJ sit in awkward silence. Otabek sneaks a side glance to JJ, worried that he will start talking about Isabella or dating women. JJ drops his head and takes a deep sigh.

“So…” Otabek tries to start, but nothing else comes out. Then he takes a deep breath and tries again. “I never did apologize for that kiss, Jean. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done it. I was just a stupid teenager and didn’t think.”

JJ gulps, but shakes his head. “No, I’m sorry. Sorry I freaked out on you and was such a jerk about it. Thing was, I liked… I mean, it was confusing Beks.”

“Are you still confused?” Otabek puts his hand on JJ’s knee and looks intensely at him. JJ can feel those eyes boring into him. Bek always had the most piercing eyes. The rest of his face may not always hold obvious emotion, but his eyes hold it all. JJ feels his face heat under Otabek's intense gaze. Then his gaze lowers and so does JJ’s. He looks down to Otabek's lips. Lips that seem to be coming closer.

“I-I can’t.” Once again JJ shoots up and practically runs from the court — and right into Yura who is coming back from his coffee run, almost bowling him over. 

“Whoa there!” Yura sees the look in JJ’s eyes while Beka looks sheepish. Although he doesn’t know what’s happened, he knows it’s not good. Before JJ can run off Yura grabs him by the elbow and hauls him to a bench tucked away from any passersby. He doesn’t sit too close, giving JJ the space he seems to need. JJ just slumps forward, his head in his hands.

“Hey, are you okay?” Yura says quietly, which takes JJ by surprise. He assumed he was dragged here to get yelled at by Yura for upsetting Otabek. Yura continues, tone harsher, but it's not directed at him. “What did Beka do?”

“He didn’t do anything,” JJ looks forlorn. “It’s me. I don’t think I can hang out with you guys anymore.”

Yura tries to school his reaction. He knows that he has to respect JJ if he isn’t ready to be with them, but he also can’t hold his peace on this. “Listen JJ, we will respect your decision if that’s what you want, but you’ve probably figured out by now that we like you, _both_ of us — and not just as our friend.”

Though JJ stiffens upon hearing this, Yura is done hiding. He wants their intentions out in the open and is tired of pussy-footing around like Beka keeps imploring they do. Lot of good that did anyway. And obviously Beka wasn’t playing by his own rules. Something happened that made JJ run. But if JJ is going to run, Yura at least wants everyone clear on what is really going on.

“I know you guys do,” JJ admits. “I like you guys too… as more than friends. That’s the problem.” He glances over to Yura. He’s expecting anger, but Yuri’s eyes are soft and open. 

“If you only want to be friends that’s okay, too,” Yura says. “We just want to be here for you, no matter what. Even though things are much better than they used to be, it’s still hard being accepted as gay.”

JJ balks, “I’m not…” But Yura only raises a knowing eyebrow.

“JJ, I’m going to ask you something and I hope you can be honest with me.” Yura’s gaze turns more serious than JJ’s ever seen before. “Are you gay?”

It’s a long moment before JJ answers. The small nod he gives might as well be him shouting it from the rooftops. He’s never been asked directly before. Everyone in his family and in his church still thinks of him as straight and so he’s never had to admit it, even to himself. He thought he would feel horrible about it. Instead, it’s like a huge weight has lifted off him.

Yura places a light hand on his back. “Is that why you broke up with your financée?”

Again, JJ gives a small nod. “Maman and Papa said it was just that it was just cold feet, but they didn’t know we tried. We tried, but I just… I couldn't…”

“I get it,” Yura sighs. “In Russia, being gay — well, let’s just say it isn’t good. I tried sleeping with a girl at school. All I can say is, _yuck!_ ” he visibly shivers, making JJ chuckle. “Deda told me that leaving would be best for everyone.”

“I’m sorry,” is all JJ can murmur. He knows Yura hasn’t gone back to Russia for years. He had an inkling why, but to hear it from Yura himself makes him sad. 

Giving a small shrug, Yuri simply says, “It’s been good being here with Beka. But JJ, even though leaving sucked, being myself has been worth it. I know you have to do what’s best for you, but I want to tell you something.” Then Yura takes JJ by his shoulders and looks him dead in the eye. “There’s nothing wrong with you Jean-Jacques Leroy, okay?”

At that, JJ can’t help it — he starts crying. Yura pulls him in for a hug and JJ sits and cries in his arms for a long while. He thinks he’s probably annoying Yura, but Yura just rubs JJ’s back slowly the entire time. 

After JJ composes himself somewhat, Yura and he go back to Otabek who is looking absolutely miserable, barely able to look at either of them. JJ can’t look at Otabek either.

“Now then,” Yura stands, hands on hips, playing referee. “I don’t know what happened earlier JJ, but I know Beka’s sorry. We promise we won’t do anything to make you uncomfortable. We won’t try to hold your hand or kiss you or anything like that if you don’t want us to.” 

Otabek turns red, as does JJ at the mention of physical affection. Though JJ is red more at the thought of being kissed by Yura or Otabek and how much he would probably like it, instead of running away from it again. 

“But we’d still like to go out with you,” Yura continues. 

JJ looks up at the two of them. They want to go out with him? Like a… like a… he swallows, “Like a date?”

“Yeah, like a date,” Yura smiles and even Otabek finally looks up at him, hopeful. “If that’s okay with you?”

It’s hard for JJ to believe. Here he has finally admitted to himself that he really is gay and suddenly he has _two_ guys asking him out. Two guys he really likes — and he doesn’t have to choose. 

Though he’s having a hard time wrapping his head around it, for the third time that afternoon he nods. 


	3. Chapter 3

So they all go on a date. JJ is nervous all the way up until he meets them at the restaurant. But as soon as he sees them — and Yura calls him an asshole (with a smirking smile) for being two minutes late — he immediately relaxes. It’s just Beka and Yura.

Yura kicks at JJ’s feet under the table for having too long of legs and JJ stretches his legs even more, teasing that he needs Yura’s leg space. Beka rolls his eyes and shakes his head. 

After dinner they sit and chat with a bottle of wine and JJ asks them how they each came out and to whom. Beka’s story is similar to Yura’s. But although his parents said they would always love him and wanted to keep a relationship with him, nonetheless didn’t make things comfortable and even tried to arrange a marriage for him. He still keeps in touch with them, but from a distance. He accepted he was gay pretty early on, even before he trained with JJ.

Really, JJ wants to know more about the sex stuff but is too embarrassed to ask at this point. When he tried having sex with Isabella it had gone so horribly wrong he’s not sure how to approach sex again. But as the date progresses and he sees Beka holding Yura’s hand, then sneaking a kiss in after he tells Yura how great he looks, well… JJ is a little jealous of their affection. He wonders if they are really okay with sharing some of that affection with him. On the surface it seems like it might create problems, yet, throughout dinner they both chat with him and it feels so natural with the three of them, he finally decides to let go and not think too hard about it.

After the date there’s a brief moment of awkwardness. Then JJ throws his arms around them for a group hug. Yura squirms a bit at being smooshed between him and Beka, but once he gets comfortable tightens his arms around JJ. Beka’s hold isn’t like Yura’s, but it’s firm and steady just the same.

After that first official date, they start going out on dates each week in addition to hanging out to eat, play hoops, play cards, and just chill. JJ and Yura are always goofing around, JJ pinching Yura’s side, or Yura grabbing JJ’s wrist to drag him along somewhere. JJ even starts kissing Yura on the cheek, first as a joke, but then Yura starts to nag him if he doesn’t. It doesn’t feel odd at all to JJ — or even sexual. It just feels natural. It isn’t like horsing around with his siblings or cousins. There is something softer, sweeter underneath it. It is more of a game between Yura and JJ to find excuses to touch each other rather than it is to annoy one another. 

Unfortunately, JJ can’t seem to find that same footing with Beka.

One afternoon JJ and Yuri are watching old Mystery Science Theater movies together as JJ snuggles in Yura’s lap like an overgrown dog that doesn’t quite fit but is completely content nonetheless, Yura rubbing his shoulders and occasionally fingering his hair. The sound is muted and they are making their own comments and cracking each other up. Yura wishes that JJ would finally want to do more than just cuddle, but at the same time he is happy. He will take anything JJ is willing to give. 

When Beka comes in halfway through the movie they both look up. Automatically, Yura tilts his head and Beka leans down for a kiss in greeting. As he approaches JJ he stops short, though. He wants to kiss JJ as well, but just can’t get out of his head how JJ bolted away from him last time — and he had just put his hand on JJ’s _knee._

Beka knows he shouldn’t be jealous of the easy affection Yura and JJ share. In fact, deep down he’s happy that JJ is feeling more comfortable in their presence and letting go enough to allow touches from another guy. He only wishes that would include him as well. He just doesn’t know how to bridge that gap with JJ. There’s too much awkward history there. He’s even reconciled himself to the fact that his relationship dynamic might just have to stay platonic with JJ, even if JJ becomes Yura’s boyfriend, too.

All of this doesn’t miss Yura’s attention. When Beka awkwardly shuffles into the kitchen — and JJ dejectedly lays his head back on Yura’s chest and remains quiet, despite Yura trying to engage him back into their snarky movie comments — Yura knows he can’t let this continue like this.

“He likes you a lot,” Yura tells Beka, later when they are alone. “I can feel the chemistry with you two.”

“Are you jealous?” That earns Beka a smack.

“Of course not. I just don’t want it to be awkward.”

“I can’t touch him casually like you do, kitten. When I tried before he freaked out. Granted I did want to kiss him — and I may have leaned in.”

Yura talks to JJ, too. “Listen, I love Beka and I really care about you, too. I don’t want things to get weird between us. What’s your deal with Beka? Don’t you like him?”

“I like him,” JJ sighs. “I like him a lot. But if I let myself touch him, I’m afraid it will escalate beyond my control. Then I’ll do things that I’ll have to confess,” JJ says quietly. “More than I do already.” He clears his throat and turns away.

For some reason, hearing that makes Yura’s heart flutter in funny ways. “What do you mean?”

It’s a moment before JJ answers, but Yura waits. He wants to needle it out of JJ, but knows this is one of those moments that he needs to be patient against all his instincts.

Finally, JJ says, “Well, I don’t necessarily always have the purest of thoughts when I’m around you guys.”

“Just thoughts?” Yura prods.

Blushing furiously, JJ shakes his head. “So I already have enough to confess. I just… I just can’t handle any more.”

Tentatively, Yura takes JJ’s hand. When JJ turns his hand over and squeezes, Yura intertwines their fingers. “Did you know I was raised Catholic? Eastern Orthodox. Deda and Mama took me to mass every day when I was younger.”

That shocks JJ. His family may be pretty devout, but even they don’t go every day. With all the training and competitions that would’ve been impossible. Once a week though was non-negotiable for them, no matter the city, no matter the country. He’d been to a few Eastern Catholic masses when competitions took him to Eastern Europe though. As long as it was mass, that’s what counted in his parents’ eyes. 

Yura gives a sardonic chuckle. “Well, you know me. I was tired of all the guilt for something that I couldn’t help. I figured a God that created me and then punished me for what he created had to be pretty fucked up. I figured it was better to believe in no one but myself. It wasn’t until Beka came along that I finally start to trust in someone else again.”

There is a long silence. Yura knows not to say anything else, even though he could go on about how fucked-up religion is for days. Instead, he holds JJ’s hand in both of his and they sit there without talking.

“Thing is,” JJ says after a few long minutes, “I _do_ believe in God. It’s just that I feel I’ve let him down. And that’s why I feel like… like, I’m being punished. I don’t know how else to feel right now.”

Yura’s not quite sure how to respond, so he doesn’t. Unfortunately, this isn’t something that can just be fixed with just one conversation. They turn on a movie instead, Yuri leaning on JJ’s shoulder. 

JJ isn’t paying attention to the movie. Even though he’s conflicted, he’s amazed at how accepting Yura is with all of this — that Yura isn’t pressuring him to change how he feels or what he believes. He pulls Yura in tighter.

“Thank you,” he sighs. Yura then feels a deep chuckle from JJ as he continues, “You know, Bek and I kissed when we were training together.” 

Yura holds his breath. He didn’t know, actually. Beka never shared what happened between the two of them and Yura didn’t press. But now, he can feel something shifting inside JJ and he doesn’t want to move a muscle to startle JJ from talking. 

“And I liked it,” JJ continues. “That’s when I knew. That I was gay.” 

Then JJ’s breath is warm on his ear, as he bends close to whisper, “Seems unfair, doesn’t it? That I’ve kissed him and not you?” 

The change in JJ makes Yura shiver. This isn’t the shy and unsure JJ that he was just talking to a few minutes ago.

“Yeah,” is all Yura can say as he turns to look up at JJ. They stare at each other for a long moment.

It’s when JJ’s eyes move purposely to gaze at Yura’s lips and licks his own that Yura’s heart starts beating fast in anticipation. 

“I really want to kiss you, Yura. Can I? Please?”

“Okay.” Yura is kicking himself for these idiotic one-word answers, but he’s been dying for JJ to be ready for something more and here JJ is at last leaning in, eyes fluttering closed right before their lips connect. It’s a few seconds after their lips touch that Yura finally closes his eyes as well. He tries to keep the kiss sweet. And it is, JJ still slightly hesitant, hand lightly holding Yura’s face. 

But Yura begins lightly brushing his tongue over JJ’s lips without really thinking, just feeling the moment building. It’s not until JJ grabs his shoulders and pulls him closer that he realizes how quickly the kiss is growing. JJ’s kisses grow deeper, his mouth opening to Yura and shuddering as Yura’s tongue begins tracing his, Yura’s grip on his biceps tightening. Before the kiss gets too carried away though, JJ pulls back, panting.

Yura worries it was too much for JJ. “I’m sorry. Are you okay?”

Though JJ is trying to get control of his breathing, he doesn’t move out of Yura’s embrace and only moves his hands to rest on Yura’s waist.

Eyes lowered, JJ says, “I never kissed Isabella like that. I never wanted to. I've never kissed anyone that way before, actually.”

Yura can’t help the warmth that fills him hearing that. “I’m glad I was your first kiss like that, then.”

“I’ll make it right with Beks.” JJ bites his bottom lip and lifts his eyes shyly, “But first, can we make out some more?”

Yuri is more than happy to oblige and they snog while the rest of the movie plays out in the background.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're all enjoying this! Any kudos and comments make my quarantine just a bit more bearable! xoxo ❤️


	4. Chapter 4

Beka takes another gulp of his beer and tries not to eye the door. He is early and nervous as hell. JJ told him he wants to talk, but Beka isn’t sure what that means. Yura told him not to worry but he didn’t say anything else — though he did get a sort of look in his eyes when they spoke about JJ. It was softer. Almost fond. Even when he was rolling his eyes. Beka’s heart felt heavy when he saw that look but he tried to ignore it. He knew something had happened, but Yura didn’t say anything else.

Only now JJ wants to talk to Beka. 

His knee won’t stop bouncing and he finishes his beer and orders a second. Ever since they’d started hanging out with JJ all of Beka’s old feelings had started to surface. He thought he could keep them down, thought enough time had passed, but they’ve coming up stronger than ever the more they hang out with JJ. And after that disastrous kiss attempt, Beka has no idea how to move forward with JJ.

Finally, JJ’s shadow fills the doorway. It’s late afternoon and not many people are at the bar. JJ looks tall and broad and as heart-stoppingly gorgeous as ever — yet something in his posture says he’s nervous, too. When he sits down next to Beka he doesn’t look over, ordering a beer as well, which he downs pretty quickly. Beka’s heart is going a million miles a minute though he slowly sips his own drink. When a hand touches his knee and gently squeezes he stops bouncing it immediately, chagrined that it betrayed how anxious he is despite his attempt to project a calm demeanor.

“It’s okay Beks,” JJ is finally looking at him and smiling shyly. “I just wanted to get things out in the open between us. I told Yura I would.”

Beka can tell what’s coming. He knows JJ and Yura have been doing more together and that JJ wants to be with Yura. Of course, Yura won’t break up with him. But he figures this is when JJ does. Not that they had really been dating at all. The three of them had gone out several times — but he really shouldn’t have thought of JJ as _his._ JJ is Yura’s. Just like Yura is Beka’s and Beka is Yura’s. But JJ is _not_ Beka’s, though Beka will always be JJ’s. He’s just going have to keep that part to himself. 

Beka chokes back a lump forming in his throat. He’s not sure if he can handle this dynamic. Yura told Beka he didn’t want it to be awkward, but he doesn’t think he would be able to handle seeing JJ with Yura and not him. His heart would be crushed to be rejected by JJ. Again.

“You want to be with Yura,” Beka says, getting right to the point.

JJ’s eyes go wide and he chuckles. He also removes his hand from Beka’s leg. “Yeah, I do. I know it took me awhile to admit it. I’m sorry.”

Beka nods again then takes a deep breath. Best to get this over with. “It’s okay, Jean. You can date Yura. Not that you need my permission. Yura will do what he wants and I know he won’t break up with me or anything. I’ve never been in an open relationship — or well, a relationship where my partner is dating someone else. But we’re friends, so I know you’ll do right by him.”

He exhales and finally looks over to JJ, who is staring at him with a look of confusion. JJ’s never heard Beka say so many words all together, yet none of them really made any sense to him. “What the hell are you talking about, Bek?”

“Uh...” for the first time in a while Beka isn’t sure what to do. He doesn’t have Yura’s talent for reading JJ. Or reading people in general. He’s now positive he’s really put his foot in his mouth and he knows Yura would be rolling his eyes at him, but as he replays the conversation in his head he’s still not sure where things went off the rails. 

“I want to be with you too, Beks,” JJ says, then puts his hand back on Beka’s knee. He doesn’t quite look at him when he says quietly, “I’ve just been so afraid… of what I feel for you. Of being… gay.” Then he laughs and looks up at Beka, tears glistening in his eyes. “And now, not only am I dating a guy, but _two_ guys, and it’s just been really overwhelming. I’ve been so afraid for so many years that I think I’m more afraid of the fear itself, than of actually being gay.”

Beka is taken aback. JJ wants to be with him too? He’s still afraid to dare hope, but JJ squeezes his knee, reassuringly. Beka puts his hand over JJ's and squeezes back. 

“I’m sorry. I’m shit at this,” Beka says, worried. “Do you want Yura here to help?”

“No, I want to just talk with you. Talk about us. I mean it. I want us to be together, Bek.”

Beka’s heart does a little happy dance on hearing that. “Are you sure?”

They look at each other, bodies leaning in, heads drawing closer.

“Yeah,” JJ murmurs, but he stops short of the inevitable kiss. “Can we go somewhere to talk? Somewhere more private?”

Beka swallows and nods.

“My flat isn’t too far,” JJ suggests.

But they don’t talk. Because as soon as they enter JJ’s flat, JJ kisses Beka, backs him into the wall. JJ is so tired of holding back, he just lets it all go and kisses Beka like he wanted to all those years ago. It’s hungry and desperate and sloppy. Beka is thrilled. In one move he flips their positions — now JJ is pressed back against the wall and Beka is ravaging his mouth. JJ didn’t really understand how much Beka felt for him. He’s pushed Beka away for so long and now that he’s stopped fighting this feeling its like he wants to pull Beka as close to him as possible. 

Beka’s hands are all over him and soon those hands are touching skin, riding up under JJ’s shirt. Then a mouth follows the path of the hands. Beka is mouthing all over JJ’s chest, sinking lower and lower until he’s on his knees in front of him. The clink of a buckle and the sound of a zipper shakes JJ from his lusty fog. He looks down at Beka who takes only a brief pause to look back up at him. Eyes hungry, but the little crease between his brow lets JJ know Beka is still uncertain. Does JJ want this? Is this too far? Is this okay?

JJ nods, or at least he’s pretty sure he does, because Beka smiles — no _beams_ — before he dives in and takes JJ all the way in his mouth. The sensation is almost too much for JJ and he isn’t sure how long he can last, but Beka isn’t taking his time either. He reaches around and gropes at JJ’s ass. JJ’s hands fist in his hair and they are both running solely on instinct as JJ shoves his dick down Beka’s throat and Beka grunts and deep throats him and pulls him even closer. It lasts all of three minutes before JJ’s shaking and Beka drinks him down. Then he stands back up to kiss JJ slowly, JJ wrapping his arms tightly around Beka’s shoulders.

“Do you want more?” Beka asks, his hands running lightly along JJ’s sides.

“I want it all, Beks,” JJ replies.

Beka leads JJ to his own bedroom, slowly undressing them both then laying JJ down on the bed, kissing him, their hands roaming until Beka moves JJ’s hand over his cock which is hard, hard, hard. Holding Beka’s cock in his hand makes JJ gasp. He just holds it for a moment, feeling how much Beka wants him. Beka’s hand covers his and he starts stroking. JJ gets the hint and takes over, Beka's hips rolling slowly, thrusting against him.

“I’d like to fuck you, Jean.” It makes JJ chuckle, because Beka is equal parts hungry animal and polite gentleman. JJ doesn’t answer right away. He does want it all, he does, but he’s never had sex with anyone. The time he tried with Bella was a complete disaster and they never actually consummated. 

After a minute Beka kisses him tenderly, then says, “I know you’re nervous, but I’ll take care of you. I’ll make it so good for you, baby.” And JJ knows he will.

“I’m tired of being afraid, Beks.”

“I know, baby. You don’t have to be afraid anymore. Just close your eyes and feel.”

When Beka curls a lubed up finger inside him, JJ cries out — but only because it feels so good, a fact he repeats over and over into Beka’s mouth. Beka works his way up to three fingers but JJ barely notices any discomfort because Beka’s mouth is also once again on his dick working him fully back to hard. 

And when Beka is finally inside him rocking slowly, JJ can only say one thing from his heart. “I love you Beka. God, I love you.”

Beka looks him right in the eyes, soft and glowing as he thrusts, pushing in deeper. JJ pulls him closer. “I love you Otabek,” he says again and sees Beka’s eyes start to glisten.

Beka looks down at JJ, watches his tears fall on JJ’s cheeks. He can hardly believe the words he is hearing. He loves JJ, he just didn’t realize how much. He knows he needs to tell him but he rarely says the words out loud. He’s only said it once to Yura. Saying it feels so final. Like they would be the last words he should utter, because they only rip out of him. Yura understands and he doesn’t care. Yura knows Beka loves him. Yura hasn’t said it much to Beka either. He knows it’s hard for Beka — that Beka doesn’t like to say the words just because they’ve been said to him. 

But does JJ know that? Beka doesn’t want to lose JJ, not over something as stupid as words, not when he finally has him in his arms.

“I…” Beka stutters. “I…” 

JJ sees the tears, hears choked words. And JJ just smiles back. Holds Beka’s face and smiles. “I love you Otabek Altin. I. Love. You.” 

It’s too much for Beka but JJ pulls him in for a kiss as he chokes out a sob. Beka kisses him deeply and with as much feeling as he can muster. They don’t say anything more. They stay entwined, rocking and grunting and kissing until it throws them off the cliff together. Then JJ kisses Beka’s wet cheeks and Beka closes his eyes. He didn’t know he needed this as much as JJ. Probably more than JJ. 

They lie side by side for awhile until a laugh bubbles out of JJ. It doesn’t stop and soon JJ is laughing so hard he’s crying. He turns to face Beka, still giggling between words, “That was amazing. Why was I so afraid?” 

Then JJ sighs and turns his head to stare up at the ceiling. “It’s because I was afraid of you,” he whispers, turning to look back at his new lover. “Because I meant it, Bek. I love you. You’re why I couldn’t marry Bella.”

Beka starts crying again. Why does he keep crying? 

“Shit,” he mutters to himself, turning away from JJ to wipe his tears.

“I’m glad you love me too,” JJ says quietly. Then he pulls Beka into his arms where they stay for the rest of the night.


	5. Chapter 5

JJ and Yura are back to watching another Mystery Science Theater movie, snuggled together again on the couch when Beka comes in after work. He kisses Yura. But this time, he also bends down to give JJ a long kiss as well. Yura cheers.

“Can we call you our boyfriend now?” he asks, Beka standing behind JJ, squeezing his shoulders.

“Yes,” JJ says shyly.

Yura whoops again and dives in to kiss JJ.

JJ blushes, then says, “But I’m not ready to go public yet.” 

“Of course,” Beka quickly interjects. “Whatever makes you feel comfortable.”

When they go out, it’s much like it was before. Yura and Beka hold hands with each other, but not with JJ. Yura and JJ still tease each other mercilessly and touch just like they did before. Much to his surprise, Beka finds himself on the end of more friendly touches from JJ. A pat on the back that lingers just a hair longer than necessary, a squeeze of his bicep. So he reciprocates. And when he does JJ doesn’t tense. Instead, he leans into whatever touch Beka offers. Beka doesn’t push it though and to most people it merely looks like old friends who have reconnected.

Leo comments on this one day when they all get together with a bunch of old skating friends to have a big group dinner at a local Italian restaurant. Yura and JJ tease each other as per usual — JJ egging Yura on and Yura retaliating by throwing pieces of bread at him across the table. No one thinks anything of it. Beka’s arm is draped over Yura as always but he sits next to JJ and their feet touch under the table. The only difference is that Beka says more to JJ than he does anyone else and is more free with his smiles to JJ as well.

“It’s nice you’ve reconnected with Otabek,” Leo leans over to say to JJ. At first, JJ freezes at Leo’s observation but then Leo continues, “Yuri doesn’t seem to mind too much either. In fact, he may even tolerate you. I think I saw him crack a smile tonight.” 

Leo snickers at his own joke and JJ let’s out a breath of relief. There’s nothing for him to worry about.

Only at Yura’s and Beka’s is JJ able to fully relax and be more himself, though. It doesn’t seem as foreign anymore to be dating them — with not only having a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend, but having _two_ boyfriends to boot. 

It’s not until he finds himself draped across the couch one night, each end in both his boyfriends’ laps, that he learns there’s a lot more to explore with them. Yura is running fingers through his hair, Beka on the other end massaging his feet. Beka and Yura keep looking over at each other, seeming to share some thought apart from him. Usually when they do this JJ doesn’t think too much of it, but tonight they are doing it constantly and he’s starting to feel left out.

Finally, he pouts, “What? What’s going on between you two?”

Beka merely gives him a sultry half-smile and starts running his hands up JJ’s legs, over his track pants. They run higher, slipping to brush his inner thigh. At the same time, Yura bends down and starts kissing him, slowly and with obvious intent. 

“We want you to spend the night,” Yura murmurs between kisses. 

A hand reaches up to his stomach, then slips beneath his waistband and thumbs his hipbone. Another runs down his chest. 

“ _Oh_ …” he breaths out. 

Hands continue to slowly move all over his body and JJ’s eyes slip closed. He can’t tell who’s hands are whose, but they feel so wonderful he doesn’t care. There’s a shift of bodies and JJ feels more than one set of lips now, moving over his neck, his jaw, his mouth. He shudders.

Yura’s soft voice sounds in JJ’s ear, followed by his earlobe being sucked on. “How about we move this to the bedroom? That alright?”

JJ’s answer is a moan. The other two laugh softly.

In the bedroom, Beka turns on the bedside lamps, throwing the room in a warm glow while Yura pulls JJ to the California king-sized bed. They wrap around each other and slowly kiss. Beka removes his clothes and lays on the bed, but doesn’t join them yet. He strokes himself lazily and simply enjoys seeing his boyfriends make out for a bit. Soon he finds himself growing hard. He didn’t realize how hot it would be to just watch.

Though Yura is enjoying this immensely he wants more. “Would you like to fuck me, JJ?” 

JJ pulls back, swallows — and swallows again. 

“You know I haven’t… haven’t before,” JJ says, his mouth dry. Yes, he’d love to fuck Yura but he feels himself seize up at the very real prospect. He remembers the disaster with Isabella. It was different when Beka had sex with him. They were so caught in the moment, plus Beka took the lead. JJ doesn’t want to mess up. What if it had nothing to do with Isabella being a woman that he wasn’t attracted to? What if it wasn’t because he is gay? What if he’s just not good?

“Hey,” Beka slides over and kisses him, effectively interrupting his spiraling thoughts. “It’s okay, baby. Yura will take good care of you.” Then to Yura, “How about you blow him first, kitten?”

Yura gives a wicked smile and slinks down. Beka moves into the spot Yura vacated and soothes JJ’s nerves with more soft kisses and caresses, removing JJ’s t-shirt while Yura strips off JJ’s track pants and his own clothes before settling between JJ’s thighs. 

“Let us take care of you tonight, baby. You don’t have to worry about a thing.” 

JJ tries to relax but with his clothes off, just laying in wait, he feels exposed on the bed. This isn’t like when he and Beka slept together, swept away in the moment. Here, he’s much more aware of being with his boyfriends as they slowly touch and kiss him. Every touch is deliberate, every moment another step down a road he had previously been afraid to travel. His heart is falling deeper into something untouched. He feels wary. But he also yearns for more. Self-conscious and unsure, his emotions crackle at the surface. 

JJ finds grounding in Beka’s slow kisses and tender gaze. Especially since Yura is doing all sorts of dirty things to his dick and balls, quickly heating JJ up. Panting and gasping, he nears the edge but Yura backs off with a chuckle. When Yura does it a couple more times JJ whines out, desperate. 

“Play nice, kitten,” Beka chastises.

Yura smirks but finishes off JJ the next time. It’s intense and JJ rocks into Yura’s mouth while clinging to Beka, who kisses him deeply through it.

“There,” Yura purrs, as JJ gulps for air. “Now you are nice and relaxed.” 

It’s true, JJ does feel relaxed. He feels great actually. _Really_ great. He finally let’s go of his worries and just enjoys the kisses each of his boyfriends give him in turn. Then they all kiss together, something JJ didn’t even know was possible. Calloused hands brush the juncture of his hip and thigh, while lighter hands hold his soft cock, rubbing it gently and JJ’s surprised that the subtle touches begin to rouse him again. Things continue to heat up with the three of them. They’re all moaning, Yura and JJ louder than Beka, but his soft grunts are there all the same.

When Yura moves to straddle JJ, rubbing JJ’s cock against his ass, JJ’s too caught up in all the making out and all the touches to notice at first. It’s not until Yura slowly sinks down that JJ yelps in surprise and almost whites out with the pleasure. It’s so much. So, so much. Beka sucking on nipples. Yura slowly swiveling his hips around JJ. He writhes beneath them, gasping and panting once again. 

“Jesus, you feel so fucking good, JJ,” Yura breathes out as he starts to ride JJ in earnest.

“Yeah he does,” Beka agrees, then tongues JJ’s ear. “How does Yura feel, baby?” 

Amazing. Absolutely amazing. That’s what JJ thinks. What he says instead surprises him, “ _Fuck_ …”

Beka chuckles. Watching Yura and JJ, eyes closed, faces scrunched in pleasure, makes Beka want to join more fully in the fun. 

Lifting up from the bed, he kisses Yura, slowing his pace. “Enjoying yourself, kitten?” Yura simply moans, eyelids barely lifting. “Want even more fun? Want to chain up?”

At that, Yuri’s eyes light up. “Ooh, yeah!”

JJ has no idea what they’re talking about, but he feels so blissed out, he’d agree to anything right now.

“You’re going to love it, JJ.” Yura scoots off him and kneels facing the headboard. Though he had always fantasized about this, it’s more than just having a threesome, more than just sex — because JJ is here with them, giving himself, so willingly, so beautifully. This is how they were all meant to be. 

Beka speaks lowly to JJ, guiding him into position behind Yura. Yura knows when Beka begins prepping JJ, because he feels JJ’s head drop down onto his back, feels JJ’s heavy pants over his sweaty skin.

“Is he ready, Beka?”

“Baby?” Beka echoes.

“Yeah,” JJ huffs out. 

Yura pulls JJ’s arms around him, turns his head to kiss him. “Get back inside me. Don’t worry about moving. I’ll do all the work, okay?”

JJ does. Slides in without worry this time. Being inside of Yura is a dream. Tight heat surrounding him where he wants it most. That is until Beka enters him and he feels a completely new kind of heat. The bodies in front and behind each draw closer as Beka wraps his arms around him, reaching past to hold Yura’s hips.

And then it’s happening. Beka and Yura moving in sync, a perfect rhythm that is much faster than before and JJ moans, loud and uninhibited. He shouts and swears and is biting Yura’s neck as Yura pushes back, trying to keep from falling apart too soon. Beka grips his hair and they speed up even more and JJ yells so loud he thinks the neighbors will probably complain. But he can’t help it. Before too long he’s completely gone, clutching around Beka, spent inside Yura, then shaking and shuddering with the aftershocks. 

“Too much, it’s too much,” he’s crying. It’s not just his body that is overwhelmed. His boyfriends quickly move him back to lay down on the bed. One of them tenderly kisses him, hands smoothing lightly over him, whispering, “Shh, it’s okay.” Another wipes him down with a warm towel, pulling a blanket over him and tucking him in tightly. JJ’s not sure who’s doing what, but it doesn’t really matter. The gentle care soon carries him away to a deep and dreamless sleep. 

* * *

Yura feels the bed shift. Beka’s behind him snoring softly, so he knows who’s left the bed. He feels no reason to rouse himself. After JJ passed out asleep, he and Beka had some pretty rough sex in the shower, completely wound up from their mind-blowing threesome with JJ, so he’s bone-tired from a night of the most amazing sex of his life. 

Muffled sounds come from the front room, though. Sounds that send a jolt of worry to Yura’s heart. Quickly shaking the fog from his head, Yura shuffles out to the living room. There, sitting in the dark is JJ, shoulders shaking with sobs. Without any word, Yura sits next to him and pulls JJ into his arms. JJ goes without any fight and they sit together while he cries.

“I thought I was okay with the sex stuff,” JJ sniffs. “I thought I was over feeling like shit.”

“It takes time,” Yura soothes.

Yura know the internal battles JJ’s fighting. The war between finally letting go and letting Yura and Otabek into his life — of acknowledging his desires and feelings and finally acting on them — and the voices of his parents, his priests, his friends telling him that all those feelings and desires are wrong. Not just wrong. Bad. _Sinful_. Something that would pit him against God and doom him for life and beyond. 

It makes Yura sick. He wraps JJ tighter to him. It aches seeing JJ hurting so much and he vows that no matter what, he will fight off JJ’s dragons as best he can while he isn’t yet strong enough to fight them on his own.

“You are a good person, JJ,” Yura whispers to him. “What we did tonight doesn’t change that.”

JJ shudders when he hears that. God, he wishes he could believe it. The weight of their night together comes crashing down on him and he feels crushed by it. He feels like he is being torn in two. 

On the one side is Otabek and Yura. The intimacy they shared went beyond sex. JJ didn’t know he could be connected to two people like that. Physically, emotionally. The way they held him, did everything to make him feel good. His body still hummed with it. He wanted to be part of them and have them be a part of him. And they were. All three connected. All three moving as one. It was incredible and his body, his mind, his heart were so overwhelmed with sensation and feeling, he had never felt so loved, so desired, so free. 

On the other side however, is a lifetime of belief and guilt and shame. Shame for loving the way he so desperately wants to love and be loved by the two most important people in his life.

Tonight, as he looked over to see Otabek and Yuri sleeping together, naked like him, all sharing a bed, he felt cold. What had he done? God, what had he done? His sobs deepen.

“We love you. I love you.” The words Yura keeps murmuring aren’t helping. JJ loves them too, but what is it costing him? He’s not sure he can pay the price. 

Yura kisses his forehead, forces JJ to look up at him. “And God still loves you, too.”

Startled, JJ blinks back at Yura through his tears. He knows Yura doesn’t believe in God at all. In fact, Yura hates God. But Yura’s eyes are soft as he says it, not full of bitterness at all. 

“JJ,” Yura looks solemnly at him, “the God that you love, he loves you back. _Your_ God. Not the God that everyone else has told you hates people like us. But the God that you pray to in your heart. The one that knows all the love you have in your heart. The love you have always had.” 

Yura feels JJ’s breaths slow as he continues to speak, low and quiet. “You are so kind and giving to your family and to your friends because you have the biggest heart of anyone I know. And that same heart loves two guys. Two guys who love you back just as much. Your heart has so much love, JJ. That is never wrong and God knows it.”

The tears slow and JJ’s lips brush the palm that cups his face. Then JJ surges forward and kisses Yura. The kiss isn’t sensual. It’s desperate and asking — no _begging_ — for what Yura said to be true. Yura kisses him back with all the tenderness he can, hoping that one day JJ will feel these shackles leave him for good.


	6. Chapter 6

A couple of weeks go by and Yura and Beka are beyond worried. JJ hasn’t stopped by to see them. Not once. He only gives brief answers when they text him and finally when Yura breaks his no-call rule and gets JJ on the phone, he tells Yura he just needs some space — but doesn’t elaborate further.

“I knew this would happen,” Beka bemoans.

“Just give him time,” Yura says. “He had to come to this point eventually. He has to figure it out on his own. It’s a lot.”

Actually, everyone is worried about JJ, not just his boyfriends. JJ is no introvert by any definition, but he stops going out all together. He won’t even join his family for mass. That’s a first. But his emotions are a mess. Swinging from depression to rebellion and back again. He especially can’t bear the thought of confessing his threesome with his boyfriends — or the fact he has _boyfriends_ — to his priest. And that only makes him feel even guiltier. 

But why does he feel so guilty? It’s not like he’s out sleeping around with other people. He’s committed and exclusive to his boyfriends. Perhaps he should chose to only have one boyfriend? Would that make the guilt go away? But there’s no way he could choose! Does he really have to give up the two people he loves? Why is he supposed to force himself to be attracted to people he isn’t, when loving his boyfriends comes so easily? Why can’t he love more than one person intimately? Who made up these rules anyway? 

God. That’s what all this boils down to. God made the rules. Problem is, JJ still can’t figure out why. _Why?_ Why is it so wrong to love in _this_ way? Yura told him he has a big heart and that God still loves him. JJ hopes it’s true. Doesn’t having a big heart and loving people count for any good at all? 

And so JJ’s mind runs round and round in circles. He can’t make heads or tails of how he feels.

Unfortunately, JJ’s parents have their own ideas of what is going on with him and what will fix it. One Sunday his mom insists that he come to family dinner. JJ can’t really avoid it anymore. When he arrives, his mom practically drags him through the door and shoves a pretty young woman at him. It’s someone from church, though he’d only interacted briefly with her before. JJ is furious. He knows exactly what is going on. Though he is polite during dinner, he doesn’t put in any more effort than that — a fact his mother chides him for in hushed tones for as they clear away the dishes.

“Lynnelle is a nice girl. A great girl. But _I’ve_ been talking to her more than you. The fact that she came over, full well knowing that you broke it off with Isabella… well,” she harrumphs, “most girls would see a young man with commitment issues and not bother!”

“Maman, I’m sorry,” JJ sighs, exasperated. This is not a fight he wants to have. “But you shouldn’t have invited her over.” 

“You are spending too much time with Yuri and Otabek,” she mumbles, shoving a few more plates into the dishwasher with more force that is necessary. “They aren’t the most wholesome friends and I fear their influence has distracted you.”

JJ almost laughs. If his mom only new all the _unwholesome_ things he’s done — well, she would probably faint from shock. 

“Your sponsors have started to worry, too. You need to spend more time dating. Be seen, out and about. You need a good woman in your life. You’re only around _those_ people — and people are starting to talk.”

“What do you mean, ‘those’ people? You mean because they’re gay? You know, that shouldn’t matter.” JJ is fuming now, “Besides, I thought you liked that I had friends to hang out with? They were there when I needed them. They have always been there for me!” 

JJ slams down the dishes and leaves. 

And ends up at his boyfriends’ door, practically throwing himself into Beka’s arms when he answers. God, he has missed them so much.

Eventually, Beka pulls him to the couch where they are joined by Yura. 

“I’m sorry,” JJ says, downcast and ashamed. He shouldn't have shut them out. It was a cowardly thing to do.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” Yura tells JJ as they hold him. 

“Things have just been so hard.” Then JJ precedes to tell his boyfriends about his mother’s attempt to set him up at the family dinner. 

Yura is seething, “What the hell? Can’t she just let you live your own life?”

“Yeah, right,” JJ scoffs quietly.

“Maybe it’s time to come out to your parents?” Beka asks, tentatively.

“Sure, just come out. Easy. No problem,” JJ’s tone is heavy with sarcasm — even rivaling Yura’s usual snark. “ _‘Hey, Maman, Papa. I know that you feel that being gay is a mortal sin and will doom me to hell, so let me just introduce you to the two guys I’m dating.’_ ”

“I know it’s scary,” Yura says. “But we’d be right by your side.” 

JJ only rolls his eyes. This isn’t helping.

“What if you just took a break from them, instead?” Beka tries again. “You could go back to training with Celestino. He’s in Montreal, still training Phichit you know.”

Yura enthusiastically agrees and the two of them start talking about the possibilities. 

However, JJ knows it’s impossible. “They’re my _parents._ I can’t just fire them!”

“Why not?” Yura implores. “They are making you miserable. They need to see you can make your own choices and that they don’t run your life.”

But they do run his life. JJ realizes his parents have always been involved in _everything_ he does. Church, school, skating, dating. In the past he wanted it that way. He turned to them all the time for advice and direction. 

Now, things are so strained. JJ misses the relationship he used to have with them. If he were to ask to switch coaches they would want to know why. And if they found out the real reason? The tenuous relationship he has would disappear completely. Deep down, JJ doesn’t think he can handle that. 

“You just don’t get it!” JJ gets up from the couch and starts pacing.

“Baby, we do,” Beka gets up as well. Being as he’s the one always talking Yura down when he’s mad, he figures he can do the same with JJ. Reaching out, he keeps his tone cool and controlled. “We just want what’s best for you—”

But JJ cuts him off. “Everyone thinks they know what’s best for me! You think you’re different than my parents? You’re just like them. _‘Do this JJ. No, you should do this!’_ Well, you can all just go to hell!”

Without another word, JJ storms out, leaving a stunned Beka and Yura behind.

* * *

Of course, JJ continues to train with his parents. Worlds are coming up, so training is becoming more and more intense. Unfortunately, JJ just can’t seem to focus. Ever since his fight with this boyfriends things have been off.

“Your quad salchow needs work,” Alain tells him. “You aren’t getting the height you usually do. Run it again.”

JJ’s just so tired. Tired of trying so hard to just stay afloat. Tired of trying to be one way for his parents and another way for his boyfriends. But he has to keep going. He can’t stop. There’s no way out.

Tears creep close. On the edge. He needs to suck it up. Circling the rink a few times helps. This should be no problem for him. He’s done these a million times before. For his parents. For his fans. For his competitors. He increases his speed. Except, right as he launches a small thought sneaks in and causes the smallest hiccup. Those millions of times? He’s never done any of them for _himself,_ has he? 

It’s just enough to cause him to hesitate. To pull back just a hair too soon before launching. He under-rotates. The ice comes much sooner than it should. And then there is only blackness.

* * *

Yura and Beka rush to the emergency room, but are informed that only family are allowed to see JJ. And no, they can’t have any updates as to his condition either.

No, no, no! Yura becomes hysterical, yelling at the receptionist until Beka backs him away and and outside, soothing him as best he can as they try to figure out how to see their boyfriend.

Yura is crying uncontrollably, “Why won’t that fucking hag even tell us anything about JJ!” 

“Excuse me,” a man comes over. He looks several years older than them — he also looks vaguely familiar. “You know JJ?”

They soon learn it is JJ’s brother, Philip. Though he doesn’t know them, he sees their distress and before they know it they are listening to him tell the receptionist that they are cousins. Though she raises a brow, Philip is insistent so she let’s it pass and they are finally allowed to follow Philip back to JJ’s room. The rest of the family are there as well, but the two barely notice them because as soon as they see JJ unconscious, hooked up to a ventilator, monitors beeping in the background, they rush in — much to the surprise of JJ’s parents.

“Please don’t kick us out,” Beka chokes out. Yura can’t even talk, tears streaming down his face as he looks over at JJ, so Beka asks, “Is he going to be okay?”

Seeing how emotional JJ’s friends are really surprises Nathalie. She didn’t realize how much they truly cared about him and how close they’d become to her son. 

“He’s in a coma right now,” she whispers, choking back a sob as well. “He took a nasty fall and hit his head. All his other vital signs look good, but we just have to wait and see.”

Yura slumps next to JJ and grabs his hand, “You have to wake up you asshole… you have to…” 

Beka on the other hand leaves the room, pale at the news. Philip follows him out, finding him staring blankly out a window in a waiting room at the end of the hall by the nurses’ station. 

“You guys are really close to JJ, aren’t you?” he says quietly. 

Beka doesn’t move, doesn’t blink. He can’t even process what has happened in the last few days. The fight. Hearing that JJ had an accident and was in the hospital. Seeing his unconscious body, a breathing tube down his throat, hooked up to God knows what else. His heart feels like it can’t beat. Like he can’t even feel it at all.

“He’s really lucky to have people that love him so much.” 

Yes, Beka loves him more than he can say. Hearing it said out loud breaks him. “Oh, God, Jean,” he whispers to himself as the tears rush forward. Continuing to stand by the window, next to JJ’s brother, Beka stares out the window while tears fall unhindered for the rest of the night.

* * *

Early the next morning, JJ’s mom shakes Yura awake. He had fallen asleep still clutching JJ’s hand and laid half draped over him from his seat next to the hospital bed. Alain was still asleep in the chair on the other side, his long legs stretched out, chin tucked on his chest while JJ’s sister curled up in a recliner by the window.

“I brought you some coffee,” she says quietly.

Philip and Beka come in behind her, also holding their own coffees. Beka’s eyes are rimmed red. Slowly, the family stirs from their rough slumber. They all look pretty haggard, but start picking slowly at the coffee and muffins Nathalie got for them. 

Later that morning, a doctor comes in. Though JJ’s vitals look good, there is swelling in his head that has gotten worse and needs surgery.

“You boys need to go home and get some rest,” Nathalie tells them. “We appreciate you spending the night with us, but JJ just needs his family right now.”

Both Yura and Beka stiffen. They can’t imagine leaving now, but it’s obvious they aren’t going to be allowed to stay either.

“I’ll text you as soon as he’s out of surgery,” Philip offers. “How about I walk you guys out?” 

“Philip,” Alain doesn’t sound pleased at all. “Your mother needs you.” 

“I won’t be long,” Philip saids, a little clipped. “There’s nothing to be done right now anyway.”

In the hospital entrance, Philip stays with them while they wait for their Uber. “Sorry about that in there. My parents can get all weird about the ‘only-family’ stuff. Why don’t you come back tonight, after you get some rest? I’ll handle my parents.”

“Why are you helping us?” Yura asks.

Philip gives a light laugh. “My brother’s had a lot of friends over the years. A lot of buddies. But I’m not as naive as the rest of my family. There’s more than friendship going on with you guys. I can tell.” 

Beka and Yura freeze, but Philip reassures them, “Don’t worry. I won’t say anything. And I’m really happy for you all. JJ deserves all the love he can get. I’ve had my suspicions about his sexuality, especially after Isabella, but I’m a bit surprised that my straight-laced brother has actually explored a more non-conventional relationship — I never thought he had it in him. I’m glad he’s found people who really love him. That alone makes me believe he’ll pull through this. Stay hopeful.”

The Uber pulls up and Yura and Beka leave. When Philip arrives back in JJ’s room, he’s already been taken away for surgery. 

“They’re nice boys,” Nathalie sits in her chair stiffly, smoothing out her pants, “but I really don’t want them here anymore. Jean-Jacque’s been so stressed lately, and I think they are the reason.”

“Mama, that is ridiculous,” Philip says. “They obviously really care for JJ. How is that a bad thing?”

“I just don’t think it’s appropriate. They don’t go to church, after all.”

Philip just rolls his eyes. “You mean they’re gay. They’re figure skaters, Mama — they’re _all_ gay.”

“Alright, that’s enough Philip,” Alain says gruffly. “Come on everyone, let’s say a prayer for Jean.”

Sighing, Philip joins in with his family’s prayer. But prayer isn’t what JJ needs right now. Right now, what he needs most is the love from two very sweet and handsome — and at the moment, also very scared — young men. So Philip makes his own little side bargain with God that if JJ recovers, he’ll do whatever he can to support that love in any way possible. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know this is a different take on JJ's parents than what is usually out there, but for the story's sake it had to be this way. I hope everyone's staying safe and relatively sane during quarantine! Your comments really do make my day, week, month! x


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all — I'm so sorry for such a delay. With the whole pandemic thing, my work was quite a tumult and I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to keep my job this last month. BUT, things have stabilized and I'm doing good now. 🙃
> 
> I have the next chapter written and it will be up on Tuesday! So never fear. We're back on track. 👍

The sounds of whirring and beeping wake JJ up — but he’s disoriented. His body feels a wreck and his throat feels like a desert. He tries swallowing, but something isn’t right. Speaking doesn’t work either. Something is in the way. The bed jostles as he attempts to sit up. 

“Hi, sweetheart,” his mom comes into view. “Don’t try to move.” 

On his other side, Alain lays a strong hand on his shoulder, steady and reassuring. “You’re in the hospital son. You fell during practice.”

Looking around the room he realizes it’s true. Monitors flank his bed, and he’s got on one of those horrible hospital gowns. His brother and sister are there in the room, too. Ann smiles sweetly at him, eyes watery with tears. Even Philip is here, which surprises him a bit, though he guesses he shouldn’t be surprised. He is in the hospital after all. It’s just that he hasn’t seen his brother in forever. The look on Philip’s face is hard to decipher. There’s relief there, but also something of annoyance. Well, that figures. Phil is always annoyed with him, though you’d think he would give JJ a break under these circumstances.

His father explains everything that happened — of course starting with his under-rotated jump and hesitation — all the way through his coma and a couple of surgeries to battle the swelling in his head. JJ’s been in the hospital for several weeks now. He can barely fathom it. As JJ listens he grows restless because the only thing he keeps waiting to hear about is the only thing his parents never mention. What about Yura and Beka? Do they know what happened? Have they come by to see him? Then JJ worries that they might not have wanted to visit. After all the last time he saw them he told them to go to hell. He cringes at the memory.

With the damn breathing tube down his throat he can’t ask anything, and he groans in frustration. Sounds like someone will be by to check up on him and remove it soon. JJ is tired, but if he’s been unconscious for weeks he doesn’t want to close his eyes. He needs answers and his parents are only making him more anxious, a fact that is echoed with the increased beeping of the heart monitor. JJ tries to calm himself down, but he can’t take a deep breath. 

Suddenly, Phil is standing up and herding their parents and sister out of the room. “Mama, Papa, go do something useful. Get the nurse or something. You too, Ann. I want to chat with my brother for a bit.” 

JJ sees they want to argue with him. They are always arguing with him. But the look on Phil’s face is unyielding and so they leave, thank God. When he comes near the bed he gives JJ a soft smile, his annoyance suddingly disappearing.

“Your boyfriends were here, that first day,” he says quietly.

Hearing the word _boyfriends_ coming out of Phil’s mouth sends a jolt of panic through JJ. The monitor beeps again in response. 

“Hey, it’s okay. Mama and Papa don’t know. They’re still clueless as ever. But it was obvious to me. You sure gave us a real scare, bro and those guys were pretty devastated. They really must love you.” 

JJ wants to ask more and he coughs around the tube, eyes tearing at the corners. Phil moves out of sight for a minute, but then comes back into view and starts wiping JJ’s face with a tissue.

“Mama wouldn’t let them stay longer. I’ve kept in touch though. And they have stopped by the few times when Mama and Papa haven’t been here. It’s been hard to sneak them in because Mama and Papa were taking shifts. I convinced them to leave to rest together day before last.”

Sitting next to JJ on the bed, Phil pulls out his phone and dials. Then holds it up, close to JJ, putting it on speaker.

“Philip?” Yura’s voice comes through loud and nervous.

“He’s awake,” Phil smiles at JJ. “And I’m right here with him. He can’t speak — he still has the breathing tube in, but he’s doing fine.” 

Yura starts crying, which causes JJ to cry too, though that proves especially hard with the tube. Beka voice soon joins Yura’s and they both tell him how much they love him and are so happy he’s awake and that they’ll visit as soon as they can and that they think of him every day.

“You know I don’t pray,” Yura says, “But I’ve been praying so hard you asshole!”

“I wouldn’t call it praying. More like angrily demanding.” Beka’s soft chuckle makes JJ’s heart ache with longing for them. 

Phil soon ends the call after telling them, “I’ll call you again soon and we’ll figure out a way for you to visit again.”

Tears leak down JJ’s face. He’s so happy, despite everything for the moment. They still love him. They never stopped. 

* * *

As soon as he can speak, well, more like croak, JJ demands that Beka and Yura be allowed to visit now that he is awake. His family is there when they arrive, barely stopping short of rushing over to hug and kiss him. Seeing him awake, talking hoarsely with his sister and brother brings tears to their eyes. They’d been so scared they wouldn’t see this. See him alive and healthy. JJ beams a smile at them, his eyes filling with tears so Yura's and Beka's do as well. The rest of the family, besides Philip, look at them a bit quizzically. They still don’t get why Beka and Yura are getting so emotional.

Before anyone can say anything though, JJ says, “I want to visit with Beka and Yura for a bit.” When only Phil and Ann get up, while his parents remain seated, JJ’s tone becomes firmer as he looks to his mother. “ _Just_ them.”

“Of course,” his mom says, though it doesn’t look like she agrees with this arrangement. JJ’s not sure why his parents seem so insistent on keeping him away from them. They can’t know, can they? Philip says they don’t, but JJ’s not so sure.

At the same time, fuck it. He almost lost them. His mom can think whatever she wants for all he cares. Right now, he just wants to be with them. 

Once JJ’s family all shuffle out and Philip closes the door, Beka and Yura rush over and throw their arms around JJ. They all kiss and hug and cry. Yura is kissing all over JJ’s face. But Beka seems too overcome to speak, simply clutching JJ’s hand to his face while he silently cries.

“We’re so sorry,” Yura repeats, over and over between kisses. Then he gives JJ’s shoulder a shove. “Don’t ever scare us like that again, shithead!”

“I’m sorry, too,” is all JJ can say, though he returns Yura’s watery smile. 

They both look at Beka who hasn’t said a word. JJ asks, “Are you okay, Beks?”

Beka only shakes his head. So JJ pulls him to the bed, making room for Beka to lie down next to him. Beka scoots in close, careful of the few remaining IVs, and cries softly into JJ’s neck.

JJ caresses Beka’s hair, murmuring, “I’m okay now,” while Yura sits on the other side of the bed, draping his arm awkwardly over them both. Nothing was quite the same when JJ was in the hospital. Yura didn’t realize how much JJ had become a part of their lives. Now, holding him while he holds Beka, Yura knows he won’t let anything get in the way of this anymore. Even if it means letting JJ stay private about their relationship. Nothing is worth risking JJ dying over.

Philip peeks his head in after a while. The three of them haven’t moved, all huddled together. Seeing his brother like that gives him a pause. He knew they all cared for each other, but he hadn’t expected to see it like this. His heart is so happy for his brother, truly. 

“Mom is itching to come back in,” Philip tells them.

Heaving a big sigh, JJ says, “Okay. Give us five minutes.”

Slowly, the two men extricate themselves from JJ’s hold and bed, reluctantly releasing his hands.

JJ is reluctant too, but with everything, he’s still not ready to deal with telling his parents about their relationship yet. Before his parents come back in though, JJ grabs both of their hands. “I’m sorry that I’m not ready to come out yet. But I will be, soon. I just need you to be patient with me.”

“Baby,” Beka says finally, squeezing JJ’s hand in both of his. “You don’t have to come out at all if you don’t want to. We just can’t lose you.”

JJ pulls their hands in for a kiss. “No, it will happen. I don’t want to lose you guys either and I know I can’t live like this. I just need some more time.”

“Take all the time you need,” Yura says, dropping JJ’s hand just as the door opens with his mother striding in. 

* * *

Another week passes before JJ is released. Beka and Yura visit at least twice every day. JJ’s parents aren’t necessarily happy with the arrangement, but JJ isn’t too happy with them either. Not only did they keep his boyfriends from visiting, but his other friends were discouraged from seeing him as well. Now, JJ’s parents are forced to put up with people coming and going all the time, much to their chagrin. Even worse, when Beka and Yura are there Alain and Nathalie are much cooler towards them than any of his other friends.

Today there is an air of expectation and hope on both his boyfriends and his family’s faces, however. Their hopes are rewarded when the doctor comes in, looking quite happy. “Good news JJ! I’m approving you to be released today.”

Everyone cheers at the news.

The doctor continues, “But you’ll need to take it easy once you’re home and you’ll be coming to see an occupational therapist in a week to be sure that your body is healing.”

“Sure, no problem,” JJ says. He can’t wait to get out of the hospital and back home. He feels so relieved. That is until his mother speaks up.

“Don’t worry, Doctor. JJ will be staying with us so I’ll be able to help with his therapy.” Her tone is definitive and brooks no argument.

JJ’s stomach cramps. His chest feels tight. The last thing he wants is to be at his parents’ home. “I don’t need to move back home, Maman,” JJ tries to reason. “I’ll be perfectly fine at my place.”

“You most certainly won’t be!” Nathalie turns a stern eye on him. “You’ve been in a coma for a month. What if you slip back? A concussion of your magnitude is very serious. You need someone to be there 24/7 until we’re sure you’re out of the woods.”

A look to the doctor seems to confirm what his mother is saying. “You do need to be careful this next month JJ. Any sluggishness or dizziness and you should immediately come back in. Having someone there would help to make sure.”

“We can watch him,” Beka offers.

Nathalie continues as if Otabek hadn’t even spoken. “It will be much easier for you to be home Jean-Jacques, than for me or your father to check on you at your place. This is best for everyone.”

“Hey!” Yuri says. “Beka said we can take care of him.” 

Finally, Nathalie looks over. “That’s impossible. You can’t be there for him with your schedules. His family can be there for him. You guys weren't even able to be here when he was here in the hospital.”

Yura is seething. That's only because JJ's parents wouldn't allow them to visit! An argument instantly sparks between Yura and Nathalie.

Closing his eyes, JJ can feel the walls coming closer. He doesn’t want to stay with his parents, but he worries he’ll be too much of a burden on Beka and Yura. His mom is right about that. He’s not sure what the answer is. This is just like before. But JJ doesn’t want to see things slip back into this old pattern.

“What do you want to do, JJ?” Philip’s voice cuts through the noise.

“Huh?” JJ asks.

“What do _you_ want to do?” 

“I don’t know,” JJ huffs. He’s so frustrated at the moment. “I just need some peace for a minute.”

“Okay, everyone out!” Philip starts ushering his family and boyfriends out of the room. They all look shocked and worried. It kills JJ to see those looks, especially on his boyfriends’ faces. He does need help, but it seems like there’s only one person right now who can do that.

“Phil, can you stay?” JJ asks.

“Uh, sure, of course.” Phil seems a little shocked to be asked. 

Once Philip has everyone out, he sits next to JJ’s bed. He doesn’t say anything, just remains quiet while JJ takes a moment to think.

“I don’t want to be with Maman and Papa right now,” he finally says. After another moment. “But Maman is right. Beka and Yura are too busy to help.”

“Jean,” Phil shakes his head at his brother, “you don’t know that. You need to talk it over with them. I know you think that Maman and Papa are the only ones who are here for you, but I’m telling you, those guys out there will do anything for you.”

Philip gets the boyfriends back and JJ shares his concerns. “I can’t ask you to come over all the time. It would be too hard.” 

“Move in with us,” Yura blurts. 

JJ feels his chest easing. “Really? Are you guys sure?”

“Absolutely,” Beka agree immediately. He doesn’t know why they haven’t offered earlier, but there’s no way he’s letting JJ out of his sight again. Well, as much as possible anyway. His heart aches thinking about him alone in his flat now. “We’ll take shifts, make sure someone is always home with you.”

“I can help fill in,” Phil offers and JJ gives his brother a smile of appreciation. He never thought he’d have this type of relationship with his brother, but he can see how much Phil wants to support him.

“That settles it!” Yura exclaims. Then he takes both JJ’s and Beka’s hands. “It’s time for us to be together. Permanently.”

* * *

JJ’s huddled up on the couch and Yura is feeding him soup. Not that JJ needs someone to feed him, but Yura insisted. It’s been a week and a half and JJ is so sick of soup. But since he was on a feeding tube for so long during his coma he was told he needs to ease his stomach back into eating solid foods. 

He lets out a big sigh. Yura lifts a brow. “You are the biggest baby I’ve ever known.” 

“No, I’m not,” JJ pouts. 

“Yes, you are!” Philip shouts from the kitchen, where he is helping Beka put away the groceries he brought over.

“See?” Yura pokes JJ’s side. But instead of grabbing him and pulling him in for a kiss — JJ’s usual move — JJ only sinks lower in the cushions. Though JJ's things are here, he still hasn’t quite gotten back to his usual self. Yura puts down the bowl and kisses JJ’s forehead. “What is it, Vanya?”

Some of JJ’s bad mood dissolves. Yura started calling him that once he’d moved in. JJ absolutely loves it. He’s not sure why Yura calls him that, but Russians are odd with names. 

Thing is, JJ’s relationship with his parents pretty much went to shit. They were furious when he told them that, not only was he _not_ moving back home with them but in fact, he was moving in with Yura and Beka instead. Funny thing is, that they didn’t even assume anything about why. They just couldn’t believe he had gone against their wishes.

It wasn’t just that they weren’t happy. They had also frozen his account where all his sponsorship money was. They refused to give him any info on sponsors or any of his business stuff. He was so dependent on them, he now feels like an idiot.

Putting his head on Yura’s shoulder, he just sighs. “I just thought Maman and Papa would be more reasonable. I really can’t believe they are punishing me like this. And I haven’t even come out to them! What will they do then?”

“Bro,” Phil comes over and sits down next to JJ. “I know that your skating career has been so intertwined with Mama and Papa, but I think you have to just accept that it’s time to move on. You can’t let them keep holding you hostage like this.”

JJ knows his brother is right. 

“And there's another thing that Mama and Papa don't know about you, besides the fact that you're dating two hot men that is.” Phil winks, just like JJ often does. “You are a lot stronger than you realize.”

Yura doesn’t comment. He and Beka have backed off on this situation, knowing that JJ has to work it out on his own. But he does agree with Phil on one thing. “Your brother’s right. You can do whatever it is you set your mind to. You’ve always been so powerful that way.” 

That’s when JJ finally decides to reach out to Celestino. 

“I don’t know what to do, Ciao-Ciao,” he confesses after he tells Celestino about the situation with his parents. “They just always took care of everything, so I didn’t think about it. But it’s not just that…” he hesitates. He needs to tell Celestino everything. Taking a deep breath, he plows forward. “They don’t know that I’m gay, and I’m dating both Otabek and Yuri.” 

And then it all comes out with JJ telling Celestino everything. When he’s finished, though he’s not sure what Ciao-Ciao will say, it feels good to have finally told someone. To own his story with at least one person.

“Well,” Celestino says, sounding a little shocked. “I’m sorry that you fell out with your parents. But I’d be happy to coach you again. As for your relationship status — it is unconventional, but it should be anyone’s business, ultimately. We'll just need to figure out the PR on this. Let me know when the doctor clears you to start training and we’ll start working on next season. I’ll contact your parents and talk to them about your sponsors. Open a new bank account and we’ll figure out if you need to get an attorney to get access to your funds if your parents still refuse to be cooperative. Hopefully, it won’t come to that.” 

It’s hard to believe that JJ has a new coach that aren’t his parents. He still wishes that they would behave better, but he realizes that there’s nothing he can really do, other than go back to trying to live life like they want him to. But he simply can’t do that anymore. 

Slowly, over the next few weeks, he tells his friends about his relationship with Beka and Yura. Some are surprised. Some aren’t, like Leo. Others, like Victor, are overjoyed. Yura complains it’s because Victor is “into all that kinky shit”. But the one thing that JJ didn’t expect was that every one of his friends is supportive. Victor and Katsuki even invite the three of them over to have a celebratory dinner. Yura rolls his eyes but is the first to pile his plate full of all the delicious food that Katsuki made. 

“I do want to go public, but I’m worried,” JJ laments as they all chat around the table. “I’ve already had a few sponsors drop me after Celestino let them know. And seeing how my own parents have treated me…” He can’t finish. Beka and Yura reach over and squeeze his hands. 

Victor sits back and puts a thoughtful finger to his mouth. “There’s only one way to counteract people’s personal prejudices, Jean-Jacques.”

“What’s that?” JJ asks. Yura and Beka are curious, too. Yura even stops shoveling food in his mouth to listen.

Victor smiles. Then, he leans forward and winks. “Be so good they can’t ignore you, of course!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh! And Yura calls JJ _Vanya_ because it's a derivative of Ivan, the Russian name for John. In JJ's case, _Jean_ is the French name for John. Just having fun with names!


	8. Chapter 8

The World Championships come and go and Yura wins, hands down.

“That’s just because the King gave you a break,” JJ teases him. 

“As if!” Yura protests.

JJ is sitting close to Yura at a remote coffee shop. They frequent this particular one because it’s not popular at all and rarely has more than just a few customers who mostly keep to themselves. It doesn’t make any fancy drinks and is run by a grumpy old man. Their hips are touching, legs entwined under the table, though there isn’t a table cloth to cover that fact. Beka is off working, so it’s just the two of them right now. Yura is the only one with coffee, but JJ sneaks a few sips here and there.

“You need to get back on the ice so I can beat you fair and square in the fall!” Yura continues. Then he says quieter, “It needs to be like Victor said. You need to be better than ever so those asshole sponsors who dropped you will regret ever being so stupid.”

“I know, babe,” JJ leans in and gives Yura a quick peck on the lips, before sneaking another sip of coffee. Yura blushes then steals his coffee back. JJ’s been much more relaxed now that he’s come out to their friends and is working with Celestino. He’s even been more open in public. Well, in these more hidden public places at least. 

When JJ lost some of his sponsors, Yura and Beka could see how real his fears were. Yura is more worried about JJ coming out publicly than he lets on, especially when Alain and Nathalie turned into such dicks. He doesn’t want anything else to happen to his boyfriend. JJ’s been through enough with his injury and the resulting coma, plus now being estranged from his parents. Though JJ doesn’t talk about it much, Yura and Beka can tell that he’s pretty sad about it. Sometimes he’ll just mope around the house wearing a hoodie, requesting to snuggle up and watch a movie instead of going out. 

Luckily, now that he’s been back on the ice he does seem much better. JJ seems to thrive with that focus. Yura never realized how hard JJ trained, but now seeing it up close, he now knows why JJ has always been so difficult to beat. The man is a maniac with his training. Yura knows he’s going to really have to step it up for the next season. 

“You are amazing,” Yura smiles and gives JJ a quick kiss in return, making it JJ’s time to blush. “You know how much I love you, right?”

JJ’s face softens and he looks right into Yura’s eyes when he says, “You’ve been so good to me, Yura. I love you, too. Very much.” 

They hang out for a bit longer in the shop until they know Beka will be just coming home from work.

They have fallen into a nice routine all living together. JJ loves it. After his accident, he never wants to be without them again and is now willing to fight for it. Enough to put up with the little inconveniences, like sharing the bathroom made for two people, which proved a little awkward with three people as they all tried to shower and get ready that first day. It needed some coordination but they worked it out. 

However, despite those things, living with his boyfriends is truly amazing. Even something as simple as their nightly dinners together, which JJ just cherishes. When JJ and Yura come in Beka has already started prepping the salad and cutting some chicken, so they join him and enjoy and relaxing meal together. JJ feels something that he has never truly felt before. He feels this really is his home and that they are a family.

As they finish cleaning up that evening, JJ pulls both of his boyfriends to him and kisses them deeply right there in the kitchen. Then, he takes each of their hands and leads them both to the bedroom. Soon, clothes are discarded and JJ lays the two of them on the bed, kneels between them to take them both in hand as they each reach up to smooth hands up his arms and chest. He works them both together until they are arching and coating his hands, almost simultaneously. God, they are both so beautiful when they come. He marvels that he gets to be with them like this. And that he has been given a second chance and both life and love. He’s not going to waste it.

Yura is the first one to get up and kiss JJ. But then JJ whispers into his ear and they then turn their attention to Beka grinning wickedly. JJ knows how deeply all of this affected Beka especially, and he needs to make sure Beka knows that his love will never be dismissed or taken for granted.

“ _Amore_. Come here,” JJ lays down and pulls Beka toward him, wrapping his arms tightly around him, bringing him as close as can be. Without hesitation, Beka melts right into JJ, chests touching, legs entwined. Then, another warm body comes behind him, and Yura’s hand immediately moves to prep him. 

With a deep kiss, JJ continues after a breath, “We’re going to fuck you like you’ve never been fucked before, Beks.” 

JJ’s seductive tone makes Beka instantly hard. He throws his arms around JJ’s neck to return the kiss with a groan. Then, with JJ wrapping his hand around them both, and Yura sliding in behind, they make good on JJ’s promise. It’s unrestrained and wild — as if they are all trying to get as close to each other as possible, flinging themselves into each others’ pleasure full throttle. 

After, as they all lay panting on the bed, Yura throws his arms over the other two. “You belong here, Vanya, with us. Tell him Beka.”

Beka gives a quick scowl to Yura for putting him on the spot, but then, seeing JJ’s open face, smiling at him, he reaches out, lightly brushing against the rough stubble on JJ’s cheek. 

“He’s right. We weren’t complete without you. We need you.” Then Beka bites his lip and traps JJ’s face between both hands, pulls him close. “I need you. I love you, Jean.”

JJ’s smile is so bright back at him, Beka feels blinded. They kiss softly until Yura throws himself over them roughly, wedging himself between them. “Me too!” he declares, and they all laugh and kiss.

They are woken up early the next morning with their phones each ringing with notifications and calls. Yura and JJ answer their phones but their faces grow ashen as they listen. Beka looks down at his phone and knows what happened. There, trending on all the social channels is a picture of JJ and Yura sitting intimately in a dimly lit coffee shop. Kissing. The headline reads, _"Otabek Altin's best friend and boyfriend caught cheating!"_

After they each hang up, Yura’s voice is small. “I’m so sorry, JJ.”

As for JJ, his head is in his hands. There are so many thoughts running through his brain, but there’s one that is louder than all the others. 

He voices it out loud with an exhale. “Well, it’s finally out there now. Don’t be sorry, Yura. I kissed you, too. Honestly,” he looks up and doesn’t look devastated like his boyfriends expect, “I’m relieved. I can finally stop hiding.”

Beka and Yura exchange a look. “Are you sure you’re okay, baby?” Beka asks. This is not the JJ that they started dating a few months ago, the one that was so scared and unsure.

“Yeah,” JJ huffs out a small laugh. But his smile drops when his phone rings again. “Well,” he mutters, “best to get his over with. Hello, Maman.” 

And with that JJ walks out of the bedroom to talk to his parents.

Yura and Beka hesitate a moment, thinking to give JJ privacy, but then they scramble out of the bed and hurry down the hall. JJ shouldn’t have to deal with this on his own. When they reach the kitchen they hear, “Yura isn’t a bad influence and he’s not cheating on Otabek. You don’t know the whole story.”

After a few more minutes, JJ hangs up and shakes his head. “They were more concerned with the cheating than me being gay.”

“Really?” Beka and Yura both ask, incredulous.

“Well, they were actually more concerned with the _image_ of me being seen as a cheating interloper, breaking up a long-time couple. Seems they already thought I was gay, or as they said, ‘same-sex attracted.’ That’s why they kept pushing me to get married. They thought I could get over it if I married the right girl.” 

Yura makes a gagging noise, while Beka asks, “What do you want to do? We’ll help in any way. You know we will, baby. I can…” But Beka is at a loss. He doesn’t know how to fix this. “Well, shit, I don’t know yet, but we can figure out something.”

His boyfriends look so concerned for him. JJ’s heart just melts seeing how much they love him. But actually, he knows exactly what he should do. He’s never been more sure of anything. It took him a long time to get here — and a big wack in the head — but he knows that no matter what, it will all work out. Walking over to his boyfriends, he pulls them into a hug. 

“I have the two best boyfriends in the world. And we are in love. Nothing can pull me down anymore. Everything will work out. It will be okay.”

* * *

The next week JJ is hard at work, but with what Beka and Yura can’t exactly say. He spends a lot of time at the studio where he records his music, but then is on the phone back in the bedroom with the door closed when he’s at home. Then he’s rushing out, with quick kisses and a “See you guys later tonight for dinner!” 

When his boyfriends try to ask what he’s been working on during dinner, JJ gives them a sly smile. “You’ll see. Hey Beka, can you be sure to have Friday night off week after next?”

“Why aren’t you asking me if I’m free?” Yura pouts.

“Cause I’ve already cleared it with Victor. You are.” He gives Yura a wink and a light kick under the table before rubbing his socked foot up Yura’s calf.

Sex is also kicked up a few notches as time draws nearer to JJ’s mysterious date. It’s like he’s trying to make up for lost time, and he often takes the lead. One night Yura just sits back and watches as Beka and JJ wrestle it out, with Beka winning out and topping JJ. But Yura knows what’s waiting for him when JJ’s new boundless energy is directed at him, pulling him over and giving him as good as he got, making Yura scream out in pleasure. 

You’d think after all the energetic sex JJ would require some extra sleep, but even after late nights of love-making he’s up and out of bed early the next day, bounding out enthusiastically to head to the gym to work with his physical therapist, or train with Celestino, or wherever else he goes.

The picture hasn’t gone away and rumor articles continue to circulate. JJ worked with Beka and Yura to put out a statement. Something that was professional and vague, but that then also let his fans know to stay tuned for an upcoming announcement. 

That announcement comes in the form of a Tweet, telling his fans of an exclusive concert he’s putting on. It’s only open to the first 1,000 people, and tickets are gone within thirty minutes. At least now the news articles are all about the hype of the concert and what JJ has planned. Beka and Yura are just as curious. JJ gives them a little more of a hint.

“I just want to do things _JJ Style_.”

Yura moans, “Oh, no! Not _JJ Style_!”

Laughing, JJ pulls him into a headlock. “Of course _JJ Style_! You know you got _JJ Style_ when you got me. You can’t get rid of it now!” 

Yura tickles JJ’s thigh to get him to release him. But he’s grinning. 

“I’m glad _JJ Style_ is back,” Beka says with a smile. “I’ve missed it.” 

“Of course you have! Time to come back with a vengeance baby!”

A couple of days before the concert JJ is a bit more somber. He decides to go and have a talk with his parents, to tell them everything. Yura and Beka offer to go, but JJ knows it’s something he needs to do on his own with them.

Once he’s there, sitting in the living room across from his parents he starts, “I want you both to know how much I love you and all you’ve done for me. But I’ve been lying to both of you — and to myself as well.”

They both don’t look too happy, but JJ continues. “I’ve known for a while that I’m gay, but I’ve just been afraid of what that means for me and how you’ll see me. And it’s nothing that can be cured. It doesn’t need to be fixed. I hope we can still have a relationship. Things have changed, but I’ll always love you both.”

“Are you dating, Plisetsky?” his father asks gruffly. 

“Yes,” JJ says. “But I’m not cheating with him. I’m dating Otabek, too. I’m dating both of them.” 

Both his parents look at him, eyes wide with shock.

JJ continues, “I know you don’t approve. A lot of people won’t approve. And I’ll probably get a lot of hate. But I truly love them both.” 

Nothing else is said. He lets all that sink in with his parents. JJ knows they aren’t happy about his life choices, but JJ is. Because they are _his_ choices. Finally. He knows that he has to own them and not be afraid of what he wants anymore. He’s nervous about the outcome of the concert and what he has planned, but there’s no way he’s going back now.

The concert is held in a smaller venue and it’s packed to the gills. The energy is electric. JJ comes on stage and everyone goes wild. He doesn’t have his full band with him, just a piano player and his drummer to accompany him on his guitar. He’s written completely new songs for this event. The crowd goes even more wild hearing that.

“You all get to be a part of this with me,” JJ tells them. “I’m so excited to share this new path I’m taking.” 

He starts singing. The songs are about freedom and living life your way. Always keeping _JJ Style_ in everything. There’s nothing you can’t do when you take charge of your life and live it without regrets. 

Then, JJ says, “I know there’s been a lot of shit talk going around about my love life. So I wanted to clear the air. First off, Isabella Yang was one of the most important people in the world to me. She supported me in everything I did. But there was always something keeping us from being together.” 

With a strum, JJ starts another song. This time, it’s about love. About a different kind of love.

“I will always love Izzy. But…” he takes a deep breath. “I’m gay. And for years I was afraid to be myself. Afraid of what that meant. Afraid of what my fans would think.”

“We love you JJ!” A voice shouts from the crowd. The sentiment is repeated with many cheers and hoots.

“Thank you!” JJ beams back. “That means the world to me. You know, I wouldn’t have had the courage to accept and love myself if it hadn’t been for two other very special people in my life.”

Setting down his guitar, JJ stands and raises the mike. Then he starts to sing, “ _Do you ever wonder, why people try to fit into everyone else’s idea of love?_ ” 

JJ sings of his struggles with love. With being different. With accepting himself. The crowd falls quiet and there are tears in many faces. As he continues, he pulls the mike off the stand and moves to the side of the stage, reaching for someone. With a collective gasp, JJ brings Yura to the stage. Then, still holding Yura’s hand, he crosses the to the other side and pulls Beka out. With each of them, he makes his way back to center stage and continues his song. 

The song transitions into a reprise of the _Theme of King JJ._ “ _This is who I am!_ ” he belts out. “ _I will break walls!_ ” 

Raising of each of his boyfriends’ hands with his, JJ encourages the crowd to join in. They all sing along:

 _I never give up even if the night should fall!_  
_Always do my best!_  
_I look in the mirror the king smiles at me!_

As the song finishes the crowd goes completely nuts, cheering and sobbing. Even JJ’s band is crying and they get up and hug JJ and his boyfriends. Then JJ pulls both Beka and Yura in and gives them each a big kiss. They didn’t think the crowd could get any louder, but the reaction to the kisses is deafening. 

Within the hour new pictures of JJ kissing his _boyfriends_ are trending. But this time the message is overwhelmingly one of solidarity and support. Sure, there are the haters, but they are insignificant now. 

A week later, Nike contacts Celestino and Victor, and even Beka’s old coach, wanting to schedule a photoshoot with the three men for a new campaign on breaking ground and standing up for love even when it goes against the crowd. There are interviews scheduled — even a book deal is being floated. 

JJ’s parents haven’t contacted him. And while it breaks JJ’s heart he takes solace in knowing that he is being his true self, living his life to the fullest.

The greatest comfort still though are the loves of his life. His best friends, his lovers, his partners. 

The year passes in a whirlwind and before he knows it, it’s Valentine’s day again. 

Four C’s are just a few days away so he and Yura have been training hard. They’ve barely had time to breathe and they’ve definitely haven’t planned anything to celebrate. Even this morning, both of them rushed out of the apartment with quick kisses to Beka. 

JJ should know by now, but out of the three of them, Beka is the most romantic. He texts his boyfriends that he’s made plans for that evening. 

They stumble exhausted home and are surprised to find Philip waiting for them. He’s going to play chauffeur. Though the two of them share a shower, it’s more to expedite the time and nothing more happens other than cleaning. Then they are whisked away. Philip won’t tell them where and even makes them wear blindfolds. Yura mumbles something about Beka over-planning, but he smiles as he puts his blindfold on. JJ’s never experienced this amount of effort expended on his behalf. Even after a year, he’s still discovering new things with this relationship. He hopes that aspect never stops.

Philip leads them awkwardly into a small room. They still have no clue where they are until a familiar smell hits them.

“Wait, is this?—” Yura starts.

“Beefies!” JJ exclaims, pulling his blindfold off. Then to his surprise, the prickle of tears sting his eyes. Because although yes, it’s Beefies, there are candles and roses lining the small countertop next to a couple of burgers and a plate of chili fries. “Oh, Beks. Our first date.”

Beka blushes while Yura rolls his eyes and says, “You are such a sap, Beka.” 

“I don’t care,” JJ rushes over and pulls Beka into his arms and kisses him. Then, he reaches out for Yura, doing the same. “Though to be honest, I didn’t even realize we were on a date back then, you know.”

Yura and Beka smile. “Yeah, we knew we had to be sneaky like that,” Yura tells him. 

“Well, it was perfect, because I don't think I would have gone if I knew that's what was happening. I really don’t know what I would have done without you guys. I lived in fear so much, but because of you both I have the most amazing life now.”

Their heads all leaning in, Beka says what needs saying. “We love you, Jean. And our life is amazing because of you, too.” 

“Yes, Vanya, he's right. We do love you.” Then Yura lets out a big breath. “Now! Enough with all of this cheesiness — I can’t handle any more!” But he does give JJ and Beka a sweet kiss before they all settle onto their stools to eat.

Philip, who has been lingering in the doorway, can’t help but smile as he turns to leave the men to their date. With one last look at the three of them sitting there at the counter — Beka shaking his head but grinning while Yura pesters JJ for eating his chili fries — Philip knows his brother is going to be okay. More than okay. He has found and fought for love. Love that isn’t going anywhere. 

As he shuts the door, laughter follows him out. 

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope you all liked the story. I'd love to hear what you think! And I hope everyone is safe and sane as we all try to make it through this crazy time. ❤️
> 
> P.S. I just had to write an epilogue, hence why I added a chapter to the total. (And yes, it's already written.) So stay tuned. I'll post it Friday!


	9. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I just had to write a little more on our handsome trio!

_Three years later_

Nathalie and Alain sit nervously in the new house that their son and his boyfriends just bought. Alain holds a large heavy box on his lap. He could put it down he supposes, but he wants his son to know the gift is more than a gift. It’s a peace offering. 

Watching his son win his third consecutive World Championship broke something in Alain. Perhaps it was watching Jean-Jacques rush up and hug Celestino in the Kiss and Cry instead of him, with Yuri Plisetsky and Otabek Altin surrounding them before he lifted each off the ground in exultation. Perhaps it was when Alain saw the three of them posing in front of their latest Nike ad, beaming and waving confidently to their fans amidst a flash of cameras. But perhaps it was at the press conference, when Jean-Jacques said, “And I’d like to thank my parents for instilling a love of skating,” with a tinge of sadness that finally made Alain wake up and realize that they needed to reach out.

“We’re going over to visit the boys’ new house,” Alain had declared to his wife at breakfast. Though Nathalie had initially bristled, Alain laid a gentle hand over hers. Nathalie was a stubborn woman, but he was even more so. Unfortunately, his stubbornness had blinded him. Even the Father had pulled him aside and spoken to Alain about pride and forgiveness.

“He’s a man now, making his own decisions. We have to finally accept that. He’s not your baby anymore.” Nathalie had nodded solemnly and began to tear up. Alain squeezed her hand. “More importantly, he’s happy, sweetheart. I think he’s truly happy.” That was the hardest to accept. That even though Jean-Jacques had chosen to live differently than they had wanted, that didn’t mean he couldn’t — or shouldn’t — be happy.

And so, here they are, sitting across from Yuri Plisetsky, who is eyeing them dubiously, waiting for Jean-Jacques and Otabek to come back from their run. In some ways, Plisetsky’s loyalty and protectiveness towards his son impress Alain, once he can look beyond the hostility there in his expression. After all, Plisetsky had at least let them in, not slammed the door in their faces.

JJ and Beka finally return from their run. The sound of the door closing and their laughter can be heard from the entryway. They had raced each other on the way back, JJ barely edging Beka out. That means he gets the first kiss from Yura as his prize. Without realizing his parents are there, he jogs over to Yura and pulls his chin up for a kiss. It isn’t overly-passionate, but it’s not a chaste kiss either. Yura’s stiff though and when JJ pulls back to see why, Yura’s eyes are looking across the room. That’s when JJ sees his parents sitting there, eyes a bit wide with shock. However, his father recovers quickly and stands up, holding a large box out towards him. 

“Hello, son,” Alain says, his voice cracking a bit.

“Papa, Maman,” JJ swallows hard.

Alain clears his throat, then his words boom out, louder than he expected. “Your mother and I wanted to congratulate you on your win and bring you boys something for your new home.”

The three of them just stare at Alain and Nathalie for a long moment. Beka from the doorway, Yura still sitting on the couch, and JJ with his hand on Yura’s neck. The silence is awkward and stiff. Then, Nathalie gets up and pats the box.

With a soft tone, she says, “It’s your Grandmother Leroy’s china set. Now that you have a house of your own, you should have it.” 

JJ still doesn’t say anything, just stands there blinking at his parents. He’s having a hard time making sense of what is happening here. It’s been over three years of radio silence from them and suddenly they are standing here in his living room offering up his grandmother’s precious china. 

From the corner of his eye, he sees Beka move forward. 

“Let’s take it to the dining room. It’s this way,” he says ushering JJ’s parents to that part of the house. 

Though they follow Beka out, JJ remains stuck in place, staring after them. 

“Hey, are you okay?” Yura tugs his hand. “I only let them in because of what you said at the press conference.” 

JJ still can’t focus. And he can’t help but continue to stare at the doorway to the dining room where his parents are now.

“Don’t worry. I’ll go ask them to leave,” Yura says, getting up and walking after Beka.

Finally, JJ finds his voice. “No, wait.” 

In the dining room, Beka is quietly helping JJ’s parents unpack the box. Everything has been wrapped carefully, so he can’t see what the dishes look like. It feels slightly off — like he’s doing what JJ should be doing. But he couldn’t just let Alain and Nathalie stand here waiting for JJ. JJ might not come. In some ways, Beka feels bad for JJ’s parents, waiting here, hoping their son will forgive them. 

But at the same time, Beka feels for his boyfriend more. After completely shutting JJ out of their lives, it’s no wonder that JJ wouldn’t instantly welcome them back with open arms.

Beka knows that the hurt runs so very deep because even after everything JJ still loves his parents. The fact that they came over shows they must have finally accepted that JJ isn’t going to change back to being their submissive son. Rifts this large take a long time to heal. Beka’s own family never made any overtures like this. He would probably be just as shocked if they did. 

They finish unpacking the last items from the box. The dishes are still wrapped up in brown paper though, stacked all over the table. Alain and Nathalie look down as the minutes drag on. 

“Thank you for your help, Otabek,” Nathalie says with a sniff. “We’ll go now.” 

That’s when Yura comes in, followed by JJ who’s holding his hand tightly. “Thank you for the dishes,” Yura says. “We’ll leave you three to talk.”

With that, Yura and Beka quietly leave. JJ knows he has to say something, but he’s just not sure what. So he simply parrots what Yura said. “Thank you for the dishes.” 

Nathalie shifts slightly and moves forward like she wants to give JJ a hug, but Alain’s hand also shifts. A slight shake of his head lets her know that JJ might not welcome a hug right now.

“Your program was very impressive,” Alain says. 

Instantly, he knows he’s made a mistake. JJ grimaces as if bracing for unwelcome feedback. But Nathalie comes to his aid. She’s always been quick to pivot.

“The new Nike photo of the three of you is quite lovely,” she offers, hopeful.

JJ sighs internally. He knows what they are trying to do. And he does want to repair their relationship. But it won’t be fixed with small talk. If they want to build a bridge it can’t be based in niceties. Things need to be upfront. Looking straight at his parents JJ decides to get right to the heart of the matter.

Taking a deep breath, he says the only thing that can be said. “You really hurt me.” 

It’s quiet, but it’s firm. More importantly, it’s the truth. And JJ doesn’t hide from the truth anymore.

Both his parents’ gazes turn downwards. His mother sniffs back a few tears.

“We know, son. We were wrong and we’re sorry,” Alain looks up. Jean-Jacques it right. It’s time for him to swallow his pride if he ever wants to have a relationship with his son again. “I’m sorry.” 

“I’m sorry too, sweetheart,” Nathalie also says.

Well, those are words JJ never expected to hear from his parents. And though it doesn’t undo the last three years, it’s the first stone laid down in a new path back to each other.

* * *

_8 months later_

“What, did they run out of regular-sized turkeys, Vanya, that you had to get the biggest one?” Yura heaves the pan with a beautiful golden turkey out of the oven and onto the counter. “Holy fuck, what does this thing weigh? Fifty pounds? We’ll be eating turkey for weeks!”

“Until Christmas. That’s the goal,” JJ winks back. “Plus, we need to have enough so everyone can take home leftovers. Right, Phil?”

“You can never have too much turkey, Yuri,” JJ’s brother agrees. 

“I don’t know. That’s a lot of turkey sandwiches.” Yura shakes his head, skeptical.

“Hey, Papa?” JJ yells to the living room where his father is watching ice skating reels with Victor and Celestino. “Want to help me carve this thing?”

Walking into the room, JJ finds the three coaches glued to the screen. He grabs the remote and shuts it off. “We’re almost ready to eat! Come on, Pops. You have to show me your technique with the carving. I still don’t get it right.”

The rest of JJ’s family along with his boyfriends and Katsuki shuffle in and out of the kitchen, putting the last of the dishes out while JJ and his father carve up the turkey. The doorbell rings, but everyone just yells, “Come in!” More of their friends shuffle in, shedding coats, and pitching into helping set everything out. The china that JJ’s parents gave them looks beautiful on the table, especially after Beka lights the candles.

They all settle in, with JJ standing at the head of the table, Yura and Beka on each side. He beams, seeing all his friends and family here. With everyone holding hands, he offers a beautiful prayer. Then everyone tucks in to eat.

Not five minutes in, Yura’s phone rings. “Oh fuck! Sorry!” He didn’t even think to turn it off since everyone he chats with is here. But then he sees the name on the screen.

“I… I need to take this,” he can barely stumble out of the room as he rushes to answer the phone. “ _Dedushka_!” 

JJ and Beka turn to each other, eyes wide.

“Wow,” JJ whispers. “He hasn’t heard from his grandfather in a while, has he?” 

“No, it’s been a couple of years at least,” Beka shakes his head and smiles. There’s an ache in his chest though. 

He’s really happy for his boyfriends. He is. JJ’s parents have really put forth a lot of effort this year to mend fences. And he knows how close Yura and his grandfather were. Yura’s grandfather only told him to leave Russia to keep him safe. Beka can’t help be a little jealous, though. He knows he has a new family — and he wouldn’t give them up for anything — but it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t still miss his own family, especially during the holidays. 

A hand covering his brings him out of his thoughts. JJ takes it and kisses it before letting him get back to eating. 

Cleaning up, Beka listens as Yura gushes about everything back home in Moscow happening with his grandfather. JJ smiles. They are speaking in Russian but he doesn’t mind. He knows how much Yura misses speaking in Russian, and honestly, JJ loves hearing his boyfriends speak it. They may find his French sexy, but he finds their Russian sexier. He can understand only about half of what is said, but he knows Yura will give him the full version in English later. 

No one else can tell, but JJ sees the tinge of sadness around Beka’s eyes as he smiles and gives the occasional nod to Yura’s story. JJ just chats with his parents. Alain and Nathalie were the only ones to stick around to help with the dishes no one wants to wash — all the pots and pans from cooking, caked in crusty mashed potatoes and turkey grease.

Alain keeps looking over to Beka and Yura and up at the clock. They aren’t really helping. Beka just drying the same dish while Yura just keeps chatting on and on excitedly, not even pretending to help. JJ thinks Alain is going to make a remark about their conversation excluding him, but he doesn’t say anything. His father continues to stare, though.

Finally, JJ levels him with a look. “Papa.”

“What?” 

“Whatever you’re thinking, don’t. I don’t mind. You don’t have to worry.” 

Alain only looks at JJ quizzically. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about.”

“You think Yura and Beka aren’t helping and that they’re excluding me.”

The chuckle his father gives him surprises JJ. “Not at all. I’ve seen them enough around you to know that you all have your own rhythm. No,” he goes back to washing the big platter they turkey was on, but not without another glance at the clock, “I’m just waiting for something.”

Before JJ can ask what, Beka’s phone rings. When he glances at it, his eyes go wide. Alain smiles.

Although Beka answers the phone he doesn’t say anything for a long moment. Eventually, he licks his lips, his mouth dry as he whispers, “ _Yeka._ ”

Yura’s eyes go wide at that. JJ doesn’t recognize the word. Sidling up behind Yura he asks, voice low, “Who is that?”

“His father,” Yura whispers back.

Beka doesn’t say anything and he doesn’t move a muscle, but then tears start streaming down his face. Yura and JJ are there in an instant, flanking his sides, arms holding him. Yura murmurs something in Russian. Beka nods. The suspense is killing JJ, but Yura gives a small smile and it seems like everything is okay. 

Beka says a few things in Kazakh. Then, it’s only another minute before the call ends and Beka slowly lowers the phone, slumping against JJ’s tall frame. More Russian is spoken softly by Yura. Beka simply nods. 

Nathalie comes over and hands him a handkerchief. Yes, an old-fashioned handkerchief. “Everything alright, dear?” 

It takes Beka another minute to gather himself. “Thank you. Yes.” Then he looks over at Alain. “My father said you told him he should call me. That you wrote a letter to him and the _Imam_?”

The look Otabek gives Alain is incredulous. And more than a little accusing. Alain had thought that helping JJ’s boyfriends reconcile with their families might put him in their good graces. Of course, he also felt it was the right thing to do. It had worked out better than he expected with Yura’s grandfather. But perhaps he had been mistaken with Otabek’s family. He had thought that speaking as one strong family patriarch to another, Otabek’s father would at least be open to listening. He had even reached out to the local clergy. However, the call that he just witnessed didn’t seem to be one of welcoming arms.

“Papa,” JJ accuses. “What did you do?”

Alain takes a deep breath. But before he can apologize, Otabek rushes him. Then Alain just stands there, shocked, with Otabek’s arms wrapped around him.

“Thank you,” Beka whispers. Just as quickly, he steps back, returning into his boyfriends’ hold. Yura and JJ exchange a glance and a nod, then Yura ushers Beka out so JJ can speak with his parents. 

JJ turns, arms crossed over his chest, shaking his head at his father. Alain gulps and braces himself. These last months haven't been easy. Alain and Nathalie have made their share of mistakes. But he keeps trying. And he is willing to learn from his mistakes. He'll learn from this one, too. 

However, a chuckle escapes his son. “Well, at least I know where I get it from.” Stepping over to Alain, JJ pulls him in for a hug as well. “I love you.”

Finally, Alain relaxes. He returns the hug, pulling his son in tight.

“Remember how you always chided me for leaping before looking?” JJ says with a sigh and another laugh, stepping out of the hug. “So, maybe just check with me before you do something like that again?”

Alain nods and gives a nervous laugh.

“I think we all need another slice of pie, don’t you?” Nathalie has already pulled out the pumpkin pie they had just put away and is reaching for five small plates.

“Definitely,” JJ smiles, grabbing the whipped cream. 

Arm around his father and mother they head out of the kitchen to join his boyfriends and cheer them up with homemade dessert.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized that of course Thanksgiving is an American holiday, not a Canadian one... oops! Oh well, I hope you can overlook my mistake and enjoyed this epilogue anyway! XD


End file.
